Empathy Through Connection

Empowered Through Compassion: EMDR and IFS Informed Therapy - A podcast by David Polidi


Season 2, Episode 22,    Release Date: 3-19-2024 Empathy Through Connection   I am re-releasing my first episode of my podcast with Stephen Andrew   Stephen Andrew is CEO (Chief Energizing Officer) of Health Education & Training Institute (HETI) https://www.hetimaine.org/stephen-andrew    He is the co-founder and President of Agape, Inc. https://www.agapemaine.org which supports the Men’s Resource Center of Southern Maine whose mission is to support boys, men and fathers and oppose violence and dignity for people using opiates.   Upcoming Events: April 9th and April 10th 2024… There is the 4th Annual Recovery, Inclusion, Community, Harm Reduction (RICH) Conference  https://www.agapemaine.org/dignity  Notes From Episode   I mentioned his interview on Heart Centered Therapist Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/healing-whispers-a-conversation-in-compassion/id1660648538?i=1000630293348    Here are the steps of Empathy according to Stephen... Five Steps of Empathy (1) Really see the other person (2) Listen to the content (3)  Take a breath and drop into your heart (4)  Offer something: What do you imagine this person is feeling? Thinking? (5)  Watch how it lands   More Quotes:  I believe for Stephen, “Curiosity” is similar to “Detective work” when he cautions us against this. He says,  “Instead of being curious of the other person, we should be curious about your heart, and the felt sense you have of the other person.”    Stephen shared that concepts of “Self-Empathy” and “Self-Compassion” are problematic for him. I believe this is because of his focus on not isolating ourselves.  “The key to self-compassion is giving it away.” “This is about duality; we need to show up for others and ourselves.”   “We don’t want to confuse this with being in our head, and having to take care of others. This can lead to oppression, and feeling that the other person is a victim that we need to care for. This can reinforce unequal power structures of the relationship.”   Stephen shares his term “Boundaries with kindness” where we simultaneously focus on our needs and other people's needs. In this way, we do not fall into a “Caretaker” role, and we maintain our own integrity. We can hold the thought, “I am here for you,” while at the same time, not slipping into a more compulsive caretaking role.   Stephen's Three Skills That Everyone Needs: (1)  Empathy, Compassion, Radical Acceptance (2)  Boundaries with Kindness (3) The Heart-Felt Apology—when you don’t do the first two correctly   Near the end of the interview, when Stephen and I are speaking about men's groups and the recent mass shooting in Maine, we were referring to a mass killing that occurred in Lewiston, MA at the end of October, 2023 (this happened about a week before we recorded our own interview).  Our love goes out to all of those people and families affected by this tragic event!