Journey of Attachment: Choosing A Life Vs. A Lifestyle

People often stay in bad relationships because they are afraid of losing their lifestyle—the house, group of friends, money, vacations, etc. It’s not just losing a partner, it’s losing the whole package. The problem is, that fear is often worse than the reality and it’s used as an excuse for staying in a dysfunctional relationship. Staying provides a false sense of security… but do you want a lifestyle or a LIFE? Maybe you’re in a “transactional” relationship or a quasi-friendship with your partner. You have your routine so it works well enough to keep you there. If you were to separate, it would disrupt your kids’ life or require you to sell the house or leave you as the only single person at social events. All of this is a trade-off for a fulfilling relationship, but you believe it’s better to hold onto what you have because it’s the devil you know. Upsetting the apple cart means treading into the unknown where anything can happen, and when your fearful imagination is in charge, that could mean living in a cardboard box. When you trade your potential happiness for a sure thing that makes you miserable, you’re paying a pretty high price for the illusion of security that you’ll never actually feel. Is it easy to choose differently? Of course not. But if you’re biding your time, waiting for something to magically change, you need to ask yourself why. Look at where you make excuses and what you’re really afraid of losing. You will never feel differently until you make a choice in favor of you. A lifestyle is not a life.