Journey of Attachment: Comparing Yourself to Others

There is an epidemic of comparison in our culture. You look at others, wondering if you’re ever going to get it “right.” Your inner critic is on overdrive, resulting in a lot of self-judgment. Maybe you look at other people and their relationships, wondering how everyone else keeps finding quality partners while you only attract the dregs of society. Or perhaps you judge yourself at work when someone younger than you is at a higher level. Whatever the situation, the theme is the same: They’re doing something right and you’re doing something wrong. In my early days of coaching I looked at how other coaches were marketing themselves, thinking I needed to be exactly like them to succeed. I looked at celebrities who got divorced and remarried all while I was still single, thinking, “What is WRONG with me?” I beat myself up over my parenting style when looking at those who I thought were doing it better. Whatever it was, my inner critic kept telling me I was doing it wrong. As long as I lived my life in comparison, I was filled with anxiety. There was no connection to myself because I was hyper-focused on what was happening outside of me. Looking externally for validation does nothing for your happiness. It keeps you in a state of wanting rather than accepting where you are. Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re happy with your current situation, it just means you’re not in resistance to it. When you embrace the flawed, horrible parts of yourself, you stop comparing and move to a place of greater inner peace. So what if that celebrity is on marriage #2 and you’re still waiting for #1? You have no idea about that person’s situation. Stop assuming people who have what you want are happier than you. Instead of wanting someone else’s life, wouldn’t it be better to create the life YOU want?