Dr. Justin Lehmiller - JML #009

JUSTIN LEHMILLER "Tell Me What You Really Want" Dr. Lehmiller and I discuss his latest book which studied the sexual fantasies of over 4,000 Americans. In it we learn that almost everyone has had fantasies of group sex, threesomes, orgies, bondage, S&M, or dominant / submissive behavior. What we once thought as wild and crazy is actually perfectly normal! We discuss how to conduct a large scale study, the state of sex science in America, plus of course, everyone's sexual fantasies.  You can find Dr. Miller's work at www.lehmiller.com See below for detailed show notes:   Educating Sex Educators Why don’t people want to study sexuality? Is sexuality a science? Why sex study stigmatizing? What is the Kinsey Institute? Reducing shame around “normal” Justin’s book “Tell Me What You Want” How to conduct a national survey? Why do people want to talk about our sex fantasies? What is a sex fantasies? Fantasy versus Desire Do fantasies change with age? Freud and sexual fantasies Sexual fantasies as pathological Fantasies labelled paraphilia What is a healthy sexual fantasy? A model for healthy sexual behaviors What are the most common fantasies? Group Sex, threesomes, orgies - 90%! BDSM Fantasies -nearly 90% of Americans Dominance / submission Power dynamics - 80%+ What is BDSM? (not what you think!) What causes people to be interested power dynamics? The most erotic thing you can do is be “present” Sexual mindfulness Quit racing towards orgasm Tantra, Sex Yoga, Mindfulness How to decrease sexual anxiety Novelty, adventure, variety Coolidge Effect Pornography, masturbation, and novelty Porn escalation effect Porn as infidelity Sexual disfunction and pornography Is an orgasm just an orgasm? Or does context matter? Does acting out a fantasy change fantasies? Conservative vs liberal sexual fantasies? Do social constructs influence urges and fantasies? Do Democrats masturbate to wearing an apron and cooking? Sexual orientation vs sexual flexibility? What is sexual flexibility? Are women from sexually flexible? (yes) Women’s fantasies are varied and diverse How do you make sex fantasies happen? Vulnerability and communication unlock sexual fantasies Abstinence only sex education Talking about sex can lead to fewer abortions