1. There's No One Left To Show Us

In the very last scene of the recent movie epic, Wind River, two men played by actors Jeremy Renner and Gil Birmingham share a brief conversation that pierced me to my core. In this chilling murder-mystery thriller set on a snowy American Indian reservation in Wyoming, Gil’s character is a native american man named, Martin, whose family is just shredded by tragedy throughout the film. In this final scene, we find Gil sitting out back behind his house on the ground beneath an old, rusty swing set, staring icily out at a vast, empty, bleak expanse of Wyoming tundra that clearly mirrors his internal state. His face is covered in a pasty pattern of sky blue and off white paint. Jeremy Renner, as wildlife officer Cory, walks up and sits down on the ground beside Martin. The two have been friends a long time, and they share a deeply painful past, having both lost a teenage daughter to the violence of men. Cory asks his friend, “what’s with the paint?” Martin replies, ‘It’s my death face.’ Cory presses, ‘And how do you know what that is?’ In a moment of heart-wrenching vulnerability, this strong, proud native american man looks at Cory and responds, “I don’t. I made it up. There’s no one left to teach me.” Welcome to the podcast, “Men, This Way” … Life Insights from Wise Men. I’m your host, Bryan Reeves … I created this show because I, too, have for too long felt like there’s no one left to teach me. Sure, there are countless men – and women – who can show me, or you, how to write a business plan, or ride a motorcycle, or write code, or enter politics, or drink whiskey properly or … start a podcast … but where are the men showing us the way into a mature, wise, disciplined, fierce AND loving, heart-connected Manhood? In some way, every man on the planet is teaching something, mostly unconsciously and unintentionally, about what it means and looks like to be a man … it’s just … what are most men teaching? Is what we see when we look into the world of men, is that what I and so many men and boys who will become men, really want to learn about being a MAN? In recent years, it’s become clear to me, that I, and countless men I’ve known both as friends, and also as clients in coaching practice, have spent so much of our lives in deep longing for real connection to wise, elder men, men who can show us more than merely how to make money or score women or win and conquer – in politics, business, sports, war – no matter the cost to others, or ourselves. Where are such men? Where is the Man who has grown to embrace ALL the aspects of his inner being – from his ignorance to his brilliance, from his shame to his confidence, from his rage to his joy, from the heavy shadows where his demons hide to his wild, radiant heart that brings blessings into the world … Where is the Man who no longer needs to exploit others for his own selfish gain, who doesn’t need to work incessantly on his abs, or his stock portfolio, because he’s too afraid to be with Life as it is, and himself, as he is? Where is the Man who has learned to stay present in relationships, emotionally as much as physically, who knows in his being how to combine discipline and fierceness WITH gentleness and caring, so that his loved ones don’t just respect him, but their lives are made richer in every way by his loving presence. Where is the man who has discovered his mortality, who knows he is going to die, and rather than be haunted by that and do everything he can to avoid it or distract from it, he’s inspired by it instead, surrendered to simply offering his unique gifts to the world, to his community, to his loved ones, whether that be his wisdom, his insight, his resources, or simply his strong, loving presence … whether or not he gets anything in return for his offering. Speaking of which … where is the man who knows how to really love.