133. How To Stop Fighting and Create a Securely Attached Relationship Instead w/ Dr. Stan Tatkin

"They have to organize. if we're organized where the kids come first, well, the couple is dead, long live the kids, they go away and bye. Because we lost that loving feeling, we never nurtured it. We weren't important enough to maintain." - Dr. Stan TatkinToday on Men, This Way:00:00 Introduction01:48 PACT Method and Psychobiological Approach02:22 Personal Reflections on Dr. Tatkin's Work04:40 Setting Up the Discussion on Relationships05:09 Defining Secure Functioning Relationships05:44 Importance of Teamwork in Relationships06:43 Challenges in Relationships and Power Dynamics09:35 Explanation of Attachment Styles: Anchors, Waves, Islands10:07 The Impact of Childhood on Relationship Dynamics11:55 Clinging and Distancing in Relationships13:16 Insights into Attachment from Studies13:30 Personal Narratives and Their Impact on Perception14:32 Neglect and Its Subtle Impact15:32 Resentment from Childhood Expectations16:04 The Metaphor of "The Bite that Fits the Wound"17:04 The Role of Anger in Insecure Attachments18:20 Strategies for Secure Functioning19:20 Adapting to Partner's Needs and Insecurities20:11 Understanding Attachment and Its Effects on Relationships22:38 Responsibility in Relationship Dynamics23:31 Importance of Understanding Danger and Care in Relationships26:14 The Importance of Shared Vision in Maintaining Relationships27:21 Designing Relationships Intentionally28:21 Prioritizing Relationships Over Other Aspects of Life31:04 Teamwork and Interdependency in Relationships31:56 Role of Partners in Regulating Each Other's Nervous Systems34:21 The Practical Application of Co-regulation Techniques38:28 The Unreliability of Narratives in Understanding Relationships40:05 The Flaws of Memory and Perception in Communication41:03 The Challenge of Modeling Successful Relationships43:02 Strategies for Better Relationship Dynamics44:12 The Need for Intentionality in Relationships46:05 The Impact of Stress on Relationship Dynamics49:05 The Necessity of Protective Measures in Relationships50:09 The Importance of Commitment and Intention in Relationships52:22 The Timeframe for Developing Strong Relationship Skills54:17 The Role of Purpose and Principle in Relationship Longevity55:06 Establishing and Adhering to Relationship Principles56:07 Vision and Future Planning in Relationships57:19 Deciding When to Persist or Let Go in Relationships59:21 The Social Contracts That Define Personal Relationships61:02 The Mutual Benefits of a Committed Relationship64:07 The Hopeful Aspect of Engaging in Relationship Work66:30 Dr. Tatkin's New Publications and Future Projects67:44 Closing Thoughts and Reflections on Relationship DynamicsTakeaways from this episode:The Importance of Secure Functioning in Relationships.The Impact of Attachment Styles.Role of Co-regulationCommunication Strategies Under StressThe Necessity of Intentionality and Planning in RelationshipsNavigating Relationship Challenges with Emotional IntelligenceThe Psychological Impact of NeglectThe Influence of Past Trauma on Current RelationshipsThe Concept of Mutual Support and TeamworkShared Vision and PurposeTransform Your Life – Join Elevate  Sign up here!Connect with Bryan & Tait:Website: bryanreeves.com Instagram: @bryanreevesinsight / @taitarend08Email: [email protected] / [email protected] Connect with Dr. Stan Tatkin:Website: thepactinstitute.comBuy the book: In Each Other's CareTherapy with Dr.Tatkin: Couples therapySign up: RetreatInstagram: @drstantatkin This show is produced by Synchro Social