3. How Death Opens the Masculine Heart w/ John Wineland

Are you still afraid of death? Did you know that emotional presence … that thing women often cite as the reason they don’t trust men … is something you can relax into? And are you aware you can play a significant role in helping your partner heal past traumas? This conversation with John Wineland was deeply moving for me, because death was present when he and I spoke. And death does well to open the masculine heart. Just a few months earlier, John made an excruciating decision that is every parent’s nightmare – when he took his 21 year old daughter, Claire Wineland, a young lady who was just a light of inspiration in the world, off life support, ending her rollercoaster journey with cystic fibrosis. Although John shares some of what he’s learning through this painful experience – and it is PROFOUND! – this interview isn’t specifically about that, because John is actually a renowned coach and teacher who travels world-wide, teaching his vision of embodied men’s work and deep relational practice for couples. He’s been leading men’s groups for decades, and is also a long-time student of author David Deida, the man whose teachings completely changed the way I see the world, and understand myself, and women, forever. John writes extensively about Masculine Leadership, and you can catch him throughout Europe and the U.S. leading workshops on embodied men’s work, spiritual intimacy and sexual practice. Definitely stay tuned for john’s 5 Key Takeaway’s at the end of this episode of Men, This Way. Alright … Let’s dive … SHOW NOTES 6:46 ~ Fundamental events in John’s early life 9:02 ~ The role of mentors in John’s life and the amazing friends he has as his support network 11:11 ~ The need to be supported by other men when going through difficult times 12:30 ~ The passing of Claire Wineland 13:20 ~ What John has learnt from this difficult experience 15:36 ~ Post- and Pre-death lessons 17:56 ~ Why it matters for men to learn to be present with their emotions and thoughts 19:14 ~ How to deal with our emotions with integrity 20:10 ~ Integrity is not just about our word (hint: emotional integrity) 21:44 ~ The role of grieving in our lives and the importance of being open to it 24:31 ~ How as we become more embodied we become more empathetic to those around us 25:03 ~ “Men it’s time to take responsibility for the sins of our fathers and brothers” 27:51 ~ Masculine leadership is about awareness and knowledge of what affects those around us 28:47 ~ How men benefit from taking responsibility and being part of their partners’ healing process, and thus bring great value to their partners 31:01 ~ A core practice for a truly fulfilling, intimate relationship 32:39 ~ “There is one way of breathing that is shameful and constricted. Then there is another way. A breath of love that takes you all the way to infinity.” – Rumi 33:37 ~ The link between sexual yogic practice and martial arts 33:52 ~ Always own the central line 35:26 ~ How to know what to say “Yes” to and what to say “No” to 37:07 ~ How men can benefit from slowing down strategizing and instead just being present 38:12 ~ The relationship between fear and action, and the need for a “container” when experiencing fear 40:35 ~ The biggest challenge facing men in the world today 41:50 ~ “5 KEY TAKEWAYS” FINALE 42:52 ~ KEY INSIGHT: Make death an ally 43:56 ~ KEY MAN TO LEARN FROM: David Deida. Groundbreaking work in relationships. 45:13 ~ KEY RESOURCE (most impactful, inspiring book, movie, podcast): Carlos Castaneda’s books. Journey to Ixtlan in particular. 46:07 ~ KEY INVESTMENT (the best thing you spent money on, under $10,000): Taking a chance on … (listen to find out)