9. The Emotionally Unavailable Man w/ Jayson Gaddis

Do you know what “emotionally unavailable” actually means? Do you know why it’s so destructive to intimacy – and a man’s life, in general? Do you know how easy it is for a man to say – even believe! – he’s both feet into a relationship with only one foot actually in? If you’ve never heard of Jayson Gaddis, it’s only because you’ve never thought to actually learn how intimate relationships can work. As my own relationship coaching practice began to take off a few years ago, people started telling me about this guy named Jayson Gaddis, that I needed to look into him. When I began my relationship with my fiance, herself a marriage and family therapist, she would mention his name and his podcast, the Smart Couple, as a great resource with practical tools for couples. Jayson’s name followed me like my shadow. And with good reason. Although we’ve never met in person, I decided to invite Jayson onto “Men, This Way” when I learned he was teaching relationship courses to high school students. I mean, in addition to his Relationship School, his own podcast, his therapy and coaching practice,  teaching relationship skills to high school students struck me as both incredibly important – surely more so than trigonometry or chemistry, since we ALL do relationships but so few of us are astrophysicists or whatever the hell chemistry majors do – but it also struck me as potentially futile, because at that age, aren’t we far more influenced by what we SEE and EXPERIENCE at home and in the world around us than by what someone teaches us in a classroom for a few hours? Still, Jayson’s been doing this work for a while, he’s successfully married – by which I don’t just mean still together with his wife, but thriving in relationship with her – and he’s got two kids. And he’s brutally honest about how actually screwing up past relationships has helped shape him as a powerful healer and leader in this space, for both men and women. So if there’s anyone who’s going to teach teenagers how to do relationship well? It’s Jayson Gaddis. In this conversation, Jayson shares a surprising detail about that work, but more so we explore emotional unavailability, as well as practices for men to be more self-aware so we can be more emotionally present. And definitely stay tuned for Jayson’s 5 Key Takeaway’s at the end of this episode of “Men, This Way” … Alright … Let’s dive … SHOW NOTES 7:49 ~ A significant early experience in Jayson Gaddis’ life 12:41 ~ Shutting down vulnerability as man 13:58 ~ Teaching relationship courses to teenagers 17:08 ~ One of the greatest gifts we can offer as a holder of another’s experience 20:49 ~ Balancing focusing on outcomes and being present with your loved ones 25:05 ~ One offering for creating a truly fulfilling intimate relationship 26:57 ~ Being responsible for your partner’s nervous system 29:26 ~ Realizing how fear plays out in a relationship, and having one foot in instead of two 33:17 ~ Understanding how if one does not show up consistently for a relationship, it will end 36:27 ~ Intimacy is a value 40:05 ~ The greatest challenge facing men in the world today 41:49 ~ “5 KEY TAKEWAYS” FINALE 42:26 ~ KEY INSIGHT: Your past relationship pain will follow you unless you deal with it 44:00 ~ KEY MAN TO LEARN FROM: Dr John D. Martini polymath teacher on money, relationships, fulfillment, and more 45:20 ~ KEY RESOURCE (most impactful, inspiring book, movie, podcast): Movie: Free Solo; Book: “Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain” by Daniel J. Siegel; Book: “Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind” by Yuval Noah Harari Podcast: How I Built This with Guy Raz 46:57 ~ KEY INVESTMENT: Family trip to Vancouver 48:12 ~ KEY PRACTICE (7-day challenge to listeners):