226: Healing Intergenerational Wounds While Navigating HG, Feeding Aversion, Postpartum Depression and Anxiety with Jocelyn Lam

During pregnancy and parenthood, we listen to SO many voices telling us what we should look like, feel like, and do. The stereotypes can be frustrating and demeaning to the point that we feel very unheard and unseen. Today’s conversation brings to the forefront the importance of finding self-worth and fulfillment in yourself and who you are, instead of what other people say. Join us to learn more! Jocelyn Lam is the mother of an energetic, kind, and silly toddler. Jocelyn is a second-generation immigrant who grew up in Calgary, Canada, and currently resides in the Bay Area of CA. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist who helps folks with intersecting identities break intergenerational trauma cycles, particularly in the areas of parenting, re-parenting, and body image. Jocelyn has training through Postpartum Support International and is working toward her certified eating disorder specialization. In today’s conversation, she shares her personal experience in parenting as a second-generation Chinese and Canadian immigrant, along with a diagnosis of hyperemesis gravidarum, which forced her to quit work during her pregnancy to focus on her health. Because of that diagnosis, she became extremely depressed during her pregnancy, which did not set her up for a good postpartum experience. Shortly after her daughter’s birth, her daughter was diagnosed with feeding aversion, which made breastfeeding very difficult and affected Jocelyn’s attachment to her baby. Even with all the resources and the best clinicians, she struggled and experienced intense postpartum depression and anxiety. Jocelyn shares a lot of insight into her story and why things were so difficult for her.  Show Highlights: Highlights of Jocelyn’s background and story How her work has been informed by her family background and personal experiences How Jocelyn dealt with Asian stereotypes, racism, and microaggressions as she grew up in white, conservative Calgary How immigrant-related trauma impacted her value and self-worth as she was compared to others in every aspect of life How Jocelyn had to work to undo the mindset that a child’s worth is tied to what they produce and achieve How her daughter’s feeding problems as an infant seemed much like a trauma response How Jocelyn’s diagnosis of hyperemesis gravidarum during pregnancy had her questioning her worth as a mother and left her feeling invalidated How she had to learn that she deserves self-care How fries from In-N-Out Burger became part of her re-learning process How her hyperemesis gravidarum carried through her baby’s birth and postpartum period with constant comments from others about her baby’s size How Jocelyn’s entire world became about baby weight, calories, and comparing her baby to others What it meant to Jocelyn to learn to trust her own body and why she is teaching her daughter to trust her own body and empower herself Why we really need to unpack what society and our family have taught us about food How Jocelyn’s survival instincts came from her parents’ survival instincts until she learned to find space for herself Why Jocelyn had to overcome the hyper-independence in her background and find community and support Why Asian people typically reach out for mental health MUCH less often than the general population because they are taught to “Be strong and self-sufficient” Jocelyn’s key takeaways about our focus on body image, generational trauma, pregnancy, and postpartum, along with the importance of finding community Resources: Postpartum Support International