Boundaries Are a...

Hey Party People! Are you ready for a party? Well, today’s episode isn’t a particularly upbeat and exciting topic, but I’m here to talk about the hard stuff first. At this point, you know we all need therapy. Now we have to take those steps in setting up boundaries in our relationships.   Yeah, that’s easier said than done. In fact, it is something I am still working on myself. As a recovering people-pleaser, it isn’t always easy to say no to those who I love and want to please. But you and I both know that you have to look out for yourself. Pleasing those around us isn’t always in our best interest.   So stick around and listen for some things you can do to set up boundaries in your relationships, both permanent and temporary. Learn from my mistakes and my experiences so you can divine the life you love the way God purposed it to be. Show Notes: [1:09] - Jameelah likes the mental health approach of a therapist she follows on Instagram named Silvy Khoucasian. She says that we don’t grieve enough about the boundaries that we have to put in place. [1:51] - Even though we know that it is necessary to set boundaries within our relationships, it isn’t always easy. It sounds easier than it really is. [2:47] - During this pandemic, Jameelah learned a lot about her relationships with the people she loves. [3:38] - The beautiful thing about strong relationships is that if you have to put boundaries in place, it shouldn’t hurt the relationship long term. [4:29] - You know the difference between a hard fall out and a relationship that needs some space. [5:04] - Jameelah admits that she is addicted to pleasing people and describes it as a codependency when people enjoy her need to please them. [5:40] - An author Jameelah recommends is Melody Beattie, specifically the books Codependent No More and a journal called The Language of Letting Go. [6:43] - How many times have you said, “This is the last time,” when you’re asked to do something for someone? Or when you don’t know how to say no and you went against your better judgement to please someone. [8:01] - Similar to a drug addiction, being addicted to pleasing other people can drain you emotionally. [9:37] - If you are doing things to better yourself for your own reasons and not other peoples’ reasons, you are on the right track. [10:46] - Jameelah has made a promise to herself that she will not make excuses for other adults. She is responsible for herself and her children. Making excuses for others only enables them. [12:25] - Generally, Jameelah sees the absolute best in everyone which sometimes gets her into sticky situations. That’s why she has had to learn how to set boundaries in her relationships. [13:48] - Stop letting other people run your life. You are the one in charge. [15:41] - Jameelah shares her experience with her relationship with her brother who has been in prison for the last three years. [17:13] - There is no handbook for families who are dealing with a family member in prison, just like there is no handbook for dealing with the loss of a child. Jameelah’s life experiences have greatly impacted her relationships with others. [18:50] - The year 2020 has shown us how much could actually happen in such a short amount of time.  [20:49] - This episode doesn’t have specific actionable steps but has shown Jameelah’s push forward. Keep saying no when you need to even if it is a hard no to say.   Links and Resources: Listen on Apple Podcasts Listen on Spotify Listen on Libsyn Listen on Podnews Jameelah Davis on Instagram Silvy Khoucasian Web Page Silvy Khoucasian on Instagram   Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents by Melody Beattie