EP 286: Breaking Free of the Cycle of Infidelity with Maria

This call is about breaking patterns with self-compassion. Today’s caller, Maria, has been unfaithful in her relationships since the age of fifteen. She carries shame and judgment around it. Romantic relationships are so greatly influenced by our childhood wounds. In this call, you will see how Maria’s childhood is impacting how she shows up in relationships today and why she’s cheating.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode286]   Shame and judgment are heavy and toxic. They are the things that keep us from shifting and changing. Yet, they make us want to change even more because the more shame we feel and the more we judge ourselves the more committed we are to changing. We may go to therapy, take courses, or listen to podcasts but it doesn’t change things. Shame and judgment can be the catalyst for something we need to shift but we must move into compassion and acceptance in order to get to the healing that creates the shift.   Sometimes, we have to face our worst fears in order to not have them be the monster in the closet. We have to open the closet door and deal with the monster because we can’t stand lying in my bed and worrying that the monster will get us. We have to get up and deal with it so we can get some sleep.   Loneliness can become dangerous because we crave connection. We all need to feel loved and we will do extreme things to get love. Even repeat patterns that are no longer serving us.   How wounding affects our romantic relationships is the topic of the Virtual Group Coaching Call on March 11, 2021. $20 is all it costs to connect with your inner child and other like-minded people.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you carry a lot of shame about something you’ve done or that you’re doing or a pattern you have? Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship or cheated on? Is there something in your life that you are having a hard time shifting and you know you want to take a big step but you can’t seem to make it happen? If you have children, what are you teaching them through your actions? Are you being an example of what you’d want them to be in life and relationships?   Maria’s Question: Maria wants to know why she continues the pattern of cheating on her partners.   Maria’s Key Insights and Ahas: She has cheated on her partners since she was 15. She needs validation from men to feel worthy. She feels unlovable. Her father died when she was eight. She was one of six children. Her mother wasn’t loving. She felt alone growing up. She likes being protected by older men. She became addicted to having a boyfriend. She would like to shift her pattern now. She has two daughters. Her ex-husband spoke to her children about her cheating. She distracts herself through relationships. She is scared of making a shift. She started therapy this week. She hasn’t fully grieved her father.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Forgive herself for judging and shaming herself. Move into the energy of self-compassion. Breakup with her boyfriend and be single for a while. Get a coach or therapist to work with her.   Takeaways For You: Are you trying to shift yourself through shame and judgment? Can you bring self-compassion in? Are you the bartender trying to get sober all the while serving alcohol all day? Are you in an environment that is not conducive to your healing and what can you do to get out of that environment? Join our Group Coaching Call on March 11th about how inner child work impacts relationships.   Sponsor: Rothy’s — Give yourself stylish, comfortable, versatile shoes made from eco-friendly material, including repurposed plastic water bottles and marine plastics from Rothy’s. They are the softest shoes you will ever put on your feet. Check out the latest shoes, handbags, and masks from Rothy’s by using this link Rothys.com/over. With free returns and exchanges on eligible products.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] [email protected] — For information on any of my services. Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.