EP 409: Should We Continue the Relationship After Infidelity? With Jade

This call is about deciding whether or not to rekindle a relationship after experiencing infidelity or betrayal. Today’s call was originally intended to be a couples session with Jade and Matthew. But, Jade has decided to exclude Matthew from the call. She describes why she made the decision. Some people can work through infidelity and have it strengthen their relationship. Other people need a clean break.   [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode409]   What can happen when we are working through trust issues and articulating our needs is that when we get to a point where we are triggered, we throw up a barrier rather than a boundary. When we are a person who hasn’t been great at boundaries in life, what can happen when we’re pushed to an edge is we can just throw up a wall.   Anytime we cheat, there’s a part of us that’s scared of intimacy with the person that we’re with. There are a lot of other reasons but it’s like we’re afraid to go deep with the person we’re with. There can be a pattern of not being able to be fully intimate and fully vulnerable in relationships.   Most things that happen to us that aren’t necessarily what we want to happen are on some level due to our soul calling in a situation to help us heal something that isn’t optimal inside of us.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you often not hold boundaries to the extent of when you’re pushed to an edge a wall and barrier comes up? Have you tried to forgive someone and tried to heal through relationships but you just keep getting hurt? Do you have a hard time trusting? Do you beat yourself up when you’ve been hurt because you think you should have seen it coming?   Jade’s Key Insights and Ahas: She found it difficult to trust Matthew as he traveled. She felt like he was hiding information from her. She has decided that she can’t be in the relationship any longer. She felt energetically that things were off. She wants a healthy relationship in the future. She has questioned her truth when it comes to Matthew. She needs transparency in her relationships. She has a pattern of not being fully vulnerable and intimate in relationships. She thought she would feel enough if someone changed for her. She felt this relationship will help her heal from her previous relationship. She wishes her mom was emotionally supportive and less reactive.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Examine her trust issues and why she continues to be in relationships with people she doesn’t trust. Forgive Matthew without continuing the relationship with him. Create emotional safety for herself. Don’t waste her time thinking she “should” have known sooner. Trust herself and give herself time to grieve without beating herself up. Get clear about her boundaries in a relationship and write them out.   Sponsor: Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a naturally slick ceramic surface. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the limited-time offer of 10% off on their full suite of products by using the promo code OVERIT at checkout.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.