Ep. #70: What's Next Vs. What's Now Challenge

I've been thinking for the past few weeks about posing a series of challenges through my podcast. I'm honestly not sure how many I will do, but I've got a couple in mind that I think will help you create positive changes within your family right now.This week we're going to focus on changing what's next to what's now.It's kind of funny when you say it that way, "what's now" isn't really a phrase we use in day-to-day conversations. I'll explain exactly what I mean by it in a minute, but first I want to talk about what's next.You know I like to talk about our brains and their tendencies and the jobs they've evolved to do for us over time. Well, our brain's number one job is to keep us safe, and to most human brains uncertainty feels very unsafe. So we make plans. We look for what's next and try to get our ducks in a row. And sometimes that serves us very well, but sometimes our circumstances throw a wrench in our plans. It might be a death in the family. It might be a natural disaster. It might even be your child's emotions, behavior, or needs.And when our planning brains meet with circumstances that defy their plans and are completely out of their control, we tend to spin out. We might panic a little bit, try to pull ourselves together, and start making a new plan to fix the problem we're facing. Or at least deal with it, right. Get ourselves out of it.The problem is, we can't always fix it. You can't just make it go away.You can't just wave a wand and suddenly have a compliant, resilient child.And if you're always looking for what's next or what's right - what's the next step? What's the right strategy? Where do we go from here? How do we get out of this mess? - I want you to consider that at some level, your brain is trying to resolve the uncertainty. To find a solution for a reality that doesn't fit your expectations.Take a minute to think about that because it's subtle. I don't think any of you are sitting around trying to think of ways to fix your child. I don't think any of you see your child as broken. This doesn't mean anything negative about you. It just means that you have a human brain that is trying to keep you safe by creating something that feels certain, something you can tether to, in a situation that feels very uncertain.Sometimes plans serve us very well. But sometimes it's impossible to know how we are going to get from point a to point b. It can become an endless cycle of making and remaking plans, and that uses so much energy and puts you into a state of constant exhaustion.So, what can you do about it?Listen to the full episode for more.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit partneredpathparenting.substack.com