Nowhere Ch 7 - The Wager

The saloon was a shoddy-looking two story box of building, made from unfinished boards that had not fared well in the desert sun. Above the awning was a sign, painted directly on the wood that read, “Morning Star Saloon. Jethro Earp, Proprietor.” Jethro was happy to tell all the patrons that he was related to the famous law man and saloon-keeper with whom he shared a last name, but in point of fact, Earp was not his real last name. Nor was Jethro his real first name. But other than that, he was a reasonably honest man for a saloon-keeper. In his travels, Archie had become familiar with uniquely American institution of saloons. But the Morning Star was something unexpected. While no expense had been wasted on the outside of the building, the inside was lavishly decorated. And open two stories to the rafters. Around the top of the room were what appeared to be opera boxes, most with curtains drawn and some with painted ladies hanging over the rail. A heavy red-faced girl with strawberry blonde hair, called out to Archie and waved, and the others joined in. Archie didn’t know how to take this, so he looked down at the floor. It was unfinished planks heavily stained with tobacco juice around the spittoons and here and there with what could be liquor or just as easily blood. The saloon was crowded, and a large man in a fancy suit was addressing patrons who were not otherwise occupied playing faro or poker or in one case, sleeping on the floor.“And you may well ask how I survived the the onslaught of those unspeakable savages and subsequent crash, to find myself alive here among you, my fellow men of the West, no worse for wear. And friends, I have an explanation.”“You was jes’ lucky!” called out a tired miner, who was leaning against the bar to avoid falling down.“Lucky I am, indeed, my good man. Indeed, some say blessed! But not in matters relating to highwaymen of any race, breed or nationality. No sir, I was fortunate to have made the acquaintance of a true genius of our age, the modern Hippocrates, to whom the secrets of the ages are known. Dr. Amadeus Bartoleermeer the 2nd who has rediscovered the sacred well-spring of Pancea for our troubled modern age…” and here he produced a small bottle of patent medicine from his jacket pocket, “A marvelous elixir, which restored me from my broken state to the hale and hearty creature you see before you.” “Did it give you all them extra words,” cried a voice from the back. A sweet whisper in Archie’s ear said, “Don’t believe a word of it. I was on that stage and I am perfectly fine.” Archie turned and saw a lovely woman dressed in nothing more than a corset and petticoat. She smiled hungrily and said, “I escaped with nothing more than a bruise on my leg. Would you like to see it?”Archie was flustered by this and, at a loss, blurted out, “Archimedes Croryton, at your service.”“There’s a thought,” she said, “why don’t you come upstairs with me, Mr. Croryton.”“I… uh… You are very forward aren’t you. Miss?”“Alice, just Alice,” she said, wrapping her arms around him. “But if you want, you can call me yours.” Archie looked around desperately, not sure what to do. From across the room, Archie saw MacAllister plowing through the crowd towards him. Grinning from ear-to-ear, he clapped Archie on the shoulder and said, “They’ve only Irish whiskey in this godforsaken place, but I’ll buy you one anyway.” He tipped his hat at Alice, “Ma’am.”As they bellied up to the bar, Jethro dragged Dr. Krupp out by his ear. Not to be silenced by this rough treatment, the good Doctor bellowed, “Look for my wagon! Discounts for quantities! Perfect for hangovers…” Jethro hurled him through the door of the saloon and he was heard no more. Archie watched Alice lead another man up the stairs and said, “Are they all so… mercenary here?”MacAllister laughed heartily and said, “She’s in the business making money, lad. And business is good.” “The mercantile finds it’s way into everything in America, doesn’t it?”MacAllister said, “Are ye not getting paid?”“Well, of course, but.”“Then there’s your answer!”They toasted and drank. It was awful stuff, really, but after a long and dusty ride and even in spite of the strange, paranoid reception of Monsieur DuMont, Archie found himself excited to be on an adventure. Even if nothing came of it. Even if, in the end, broken and penniless, he was forced to go crawling back to — best not to think of it — at least he would have seen something of the world. And besides, there were fortunes to be made here in the West. And with a fortune would come the power required to spit in his brother Reginald’s eye. They tossed back another whiskey and Archie’s spirits rose even more. And then he turned and saw Jane Siskin at the entrance. Gone were the rough leathers of her traveling garb and battered gray hat. She wore a simple blue dress, and her hair was down, still damp from the bath, but already winding with natural curls. In spite of himself, Archie said, “My word, she’s… quite…”MacAllister leaned and said, “Ye may be a Prince where you’re from, yer excellency. But lad, she’s a Queen in this land. Mule Queen, but a Queen nonetheless.” Then MacAllister walked into the back. Archie called after him, “I’m not a bloody Prince!”From over his shoulder, he heard Jane said, “You *are* a prince. I knew it!”The bartender slid a glass and a bottle of light brown liqour across the bar to Jane and she raised the empty glass in salute. Archie thought her smile was the prettiest thing he’d seen in months. What a transformation had come over this hard-driving woman. As Jane poured, Archie protested, “I told you am a second son, exactly nothing. Usually someone in my position has power, influence and employment – and is a man, in some measure to be reckoned with, but I have been disowned, for you see, my brother hates me.”“What did you do to him?”“Nothing that brothers have not been doing to brothers since the dawn of time. It was our father, you see. He loved me best. And he never let my brother forget it. To be sure, he wasn’t as bright or as diligent as I, but that was no cause for such abuse. I cannot imagine what my father was thinking, or how he thought it might turn out when he was gone. Perhaps he thought he would live forever.”“That’s not a thought much entertained in this part of the world.”“I would imagine not. Have you dispatched a team to recover my freight?”“Sir, despite the best of intentions, I am unable to do so, said Jane suddenly becoming formal.Archie grew stiff. “What do you mean?”“My men, such as they are,” she said as swept her hand around indicating the general debauchery in which Archie recognized some of the Teamsters from the journey into town. At least one was catatonic, several others weren’t far off. MacAllister was now engaged in an arm-wrestling contest in the corner around which men were gambling and shouting. Another teamster was sitting next to the piano, singing along as loud as he could with a song he didn’t know the words to. Another two of the teamsters, followed proxy-looking women upstairs to the boxes.Archie frowned. Jane snagged an empty, if not exactly clean, glass from the bar and poured him a shot of the light brown liquor she was drinking.” Come on my sweet prince, let your hair down from that funny hat a yours and relax a little. Your hunk of metal will still be there in the morning.”Archie drank the shot and winced. “Good Lord, what is that?”“Tequila. Mexicans make it from a cactus I hear tell.”“Yes, that would explain the spiky taste.”“See,” said Jane, slapping him on the shoulder and pouring him another, “I knew you was all right. Settle in and let’s get down to making bad choices with the rest of this night.”In the back of the room, MacAllister slammed his opponent’s fist on the table and cheers erupted.Archie paused a moment, considering his situation with a sad smile. Then, resolved, he picked his pith helmet up off the bar and said, “Sadly, Mademoiselle, my day is not done, so my evening cannot begin.” Archie turned and strode out of the foul air of the saloon.“God dammit!” said Jane. Then she shouted, “Red! Come on! We got to save our headstrong Prince from himself.” While MacAllister gathered his winnings, she took another shot of tequila. Then they went in pursuit of their strange Englishman. ----They found Archie struggling to assemble a team to pull a wagon.Archie said, “You think I cannot recover the cargo on my own?""Mister, from what I've seen, I can't even be sure you can find your way back to the cargo,” said Jane Archie looked to MacAllister, "And you?""Not doubting your spirits sir, but we had a team of 10 men to help load those wagons. And we needed everyone, as you may recall.""Oh, there is that," Archie said with a smile, “Nonetheless, the way must be found, and I shall find it. On my own, it appears.But, if I might, perhaps you would care for a wager." "Keep your money, you'll never pull it off,” said Jane.“Then odds?”"It's impossible!""That's a very strong word, impossible." “It is lad,” said MacAllister, “Now come on, I'll buy you a whiskey and will forget this foolishness and we’ll go fetch your box in the morning.""Perhaps you're right, so let me amend my wager. I say that I can recover that crate, before sunrise, using only two men, some rope, a block and tackle and two sixteen foot beams or logs."“Two men!" said Jane, bristling at the implications."Or a man and a good woman," said Archie with a smile, and if I lose the wager, I will pay five dollars to every one of yours. And I will cover any bets up to $100. Now, do you have the courage of your convictions, or are you, What was the phrase? Ten horns?""Tinhorn," said Jane, "one word.""As you say,"MacAllister produced his winnings from the arm wrestling match, and said, “down for $25." They both looked to Jane who nodded and said, “Hell, I’m good for $25.” The Moon rose shortly after sunset, a waxing gibbous, so they had plenty of light to ride by. MacAllister drove the wagon, this one pulled by a team of six horses. The oxen were still worn out from heat. They were terrible animals for the desert, but for the heaviest load there was nothing else. Life was hard on man and animal alike in this place. But it was God who put the silver in the ground, so here they all were.The road to Bisbee seemed easier in the chill of the night air and the landscape less harsh and forbidding in the moonlight. They reached the wagon quickly. MacAllister surveyed the wreckage and said, “There's no way you're getting that crate into this wagon without a crane, or more men."“Why my heavens, just now I realize that you are correct. And I am embarrassed to have brought you all this way!” said Archie, laying it on thick. "Pay up. I have a powerful thirst that needs attention." “A distressing, yet all too common ailment among Scotsman, I am told. I shall endeavor to be quick.”Archie was as good as his word. As MacAllister and Jane watched him, he lashed the ends of the beams together as they stuck out from the end of the wagon. MacAllister said, “I’ll give him this, he’s got an enthusiastic look for one about to lose a bet.”Archie surveyed the position of the broken-axle wagon. In the moonlight, the giantic crate atop the wreckage of the wagon looked more like a ruin of an ancient civilization, than it did like something that could be budged by mortals. But Archie proceeded undaunted. He counted his steps across the road, and marked a divot in the earth with his boot. “Mr. MacAllister, if you would be so kind as to plant the stake right here.” “Why, of course, your Lordship,” and he set to pounding the heavy wooden stake into the ground with a twelve pound hammer. He made the heavy blows look like easy work. As he did this, Archie and Jane dragged the beams over to the broken wagon. With effort, they lifted the lashed ends and propped them up on the wagon above the broken rear axel. Then Archie attached a rope to the top of the beams and opened them into two legs. When he had each leg seated, he tied a rope from the top and played it out to the stake in the ground. Then, with MacAllister’s assistance, they wrapped the rope around the stake and hauled the makeshift crane into the air. As Archie made the rope fast to the stake, Jane shot MacAllister a $25 look of concern. “Not to worry. Let him have is wee bit o’ fun. Even if he can lift the crate, There’s no way in hell he can swing the box onto the new wagon.”Archie smiled at Jane and said, “He’s right, you know. There’s no way I can move the box onto the wagon.” “Then why are you smiling?” asked Jane.z“The resolute and indefatigable optimism that is the birthright of every English gentleman.” MacAllister scoffed. As Archie climbed up on the wrecked wagon and made the block fast to his makeshift crane, he said, “Especially when in comparison with the dismal pessimism of say, you’re average Hibernian. Always with them what cannot be done. I think it has something to do with the bleakness of the landscape. The fewer hours of daylight in those far Northern realms.”MacAllister said, “His brain has been addled by breathing the thick smog of London.” Archie looped rope around the back of the broken wagon and made it fast. Then he hooked one side of the triple sheave block under this loop. He took another length of rope, made it fast and fed the other end through the blocks. He tossed the bitter end to MacAllister, then stooped to chocked the front wheels of the broken wagon. His preparations complete, he said , “If you please, Mr. MacAllister.”With a few short heaves on the rope, the back of the wagon lifted clear of the desert floor, leaving the rear wheels drooping inward on the broken halves of the axel. Archie pulled each wheel and section of axel out, and let them drop on the ground.Then he maneuvered the wagon they had brought around and backed the wagons up end to end. It was the work of a few moments to remove the sideboards, then Archie was able to back one wagon under the other. Then they lowered the broken wagon onto the working wagon and tied it tight.Archie said, “You neglected to consider the wagon itself as a lever.” Jane said, “Hell, seems like our mistake was doubting you,” and she beamed with pride in the strange Englishman. MacAllister hefted his coin pouch with a bitter smile on his face. Torn between admiration for the work and disappointment at losing the bet.MacAllister moved to remount the wagon and Archie said, “No, no. The bet is to get it back to town, and I’ll see it safely there on my own.” Jane handed her reins to MacAllister and climbed up into the wagon next to Archie. And off they went, as easy as anything. MacAllister kept a respectful distance behind, not wanting to hear the conversation and knowing better than to breathe a word of his fears to Jane. Mule Queen she might be, but MacAllister knew, deep down, she was of a different class than Archie. And he’d seen what came of the hired help who dallying with with the “nobles”.Oh sure, in America they would tell you that there were no nobles and there was no class. But MacAllister just shook his head at such talk. There were classes everywhere. Only here they hid the lines. From what he had seen, it just lead to more catastrophe. At such price freedom?Still, he couldn’t help but like this Croryton. He had a care for his work and the most sand of any man he’d seen out West who didn’t carry a gun. So, as they rode back to Grantham, he stared up at the moon and thought of a girl he had known in Aberdeen, a lifetime ago and a world away. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit patrickemclean.substack.com