256: Saner Arguments—Discourse vs. Debate with Bob Gower

When discussing fraught, divisive, or high-stakes issues it's so easy to get defensive, triggered, and hurt—sometimes even doing irreparable damage to relationships we hold dear. Communications pro Bob Gower returns to Pivot to help us understand something crucial before we engage in our next argument: is this discourse or a debate? He outlines the difference between the two in his fantastic piece, Rules of Engagement: 5 Steps to Better Arguments: "In discourse, the goal is to eventually align. Debate is discourse's more flamboyant cousin where people with opposing views intend to remain that way at the end of the conversation.” In this wandering conversational stroll, we explore what it means to be a “good person,” when "agree to disagree" does and doesn't work, intent versus impact, when not to "poke the bear," releasing the urge to have an opinion on everything (or enter into an argument with every person in the first place), why Bob shut-down several of his social media profiles, and how he boils this all down into his day-to-day practices and intentions. As longtime listeners know well by now, awkward is the name of the game for subjects as tricky as these! For intrepid listeners, our hope is that by hearing us work through (in real-time) some of these more challenging aspects of tough conversations, it will give you a chance to explore where you stand and what approach you want to take—knowing there isn't always just one "right" answer. Resources Mentioned: Bob’s website, LinkedIn, Instagram Bob's books: Radical Alignment: How to Have Game-Changing Conversations That Will Transform Your Business and Your Life and Agile Business: A Leader’s Guide to Harnessing Complexity Articles: Rules of Engagement: 5 Steps to Better Arguments, How to Be Wrong Like a Man, From Sex Cult to C-Suite Podcast: Conspirituality Book: Descartes' Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain Reddit: Late Stage Capitalism Related Pivot Podcasts: 204: Radical Alignment: Getting to Hell Yes with Alex & Bob, 240: The Beauty of Conflict with CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke, 148: Penney & Jenny Show—Pivoting From Toxic Situations Toward Self-Entertainment ❤️ Enjoying the show? Pivot Podcast is listener supported—consider donating to become a Pivot Insider and you’ll get access to a private monthly Q&A call: http://pivotmethod.com/insider 💌 Get my curated weekly(ish) PivotList newsletter at http://pivotmethod.com/pivotlist 💬 I’d love to hear what’s on your mind! Take the Pivot listener survey at http://pivotmethod.com/survey 🗣 Submit a question or comment for future episodes at http://pivotmethod.com/ask 🎧 Make sure you’re subscribed wherever you listen to ‘casts: https://pod.link/1054817076 📝 Check out full show notes from this episode with links to resources mentioned at http://pivotmethod.com/256 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices