What Should Come First—Him Ending His Affair, or Us Starting Couples Counseling?

We know—the title of this episode is INSANE!!! But it comes from an actual question sent in by a PBSE listener—My partner and I are STUCK. We have been separated for almost a year now but living together for financial and child reasons. I have told him that he has to break up with his affair partner before I will agree to couples counseling. That goes without saying that I will not welcome him back to our bed without breaking up with his AP. He will say to me that he will break up with ...