# 16 - 5 ideas to help you through depression and sadness

How I Dealt with Depression  Please note, this is what worked for me, this may not work for you.  You need to find the best path for you and please seek help from a medical professional.   LEARNING 1: My coach challenged me on the use of the word ‘depression’.   I was challenged to not refer to myself as having depression.  He showed me that the word in itself is sad and heavy.  So when you refer to yourself as having depression, you feel heavy and down.  He shared a great story with me about a war veteran that was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) versus another war veteran diagnosed with PTG (Post Traumatic Growth). The second person was taught by his doctor to look at what he was feeling (the depressed thoughts) as something to grow/learn from.  I wish my father was diagnosed with PTG!!!!  My coach helped me do the same.  He allowed me to consider that maybe this sadness/loneliness was an opportunity to heal myself from the wounds from my youth.   To let go of the scared child that never feels safe.    So maybe consider the fact that right now, your depression is actually an opportunity for you to grow/learn something about yourself.   Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise?  Maybe there is something amazing about to come your way?  What might happen if you stop seeing yourself as someone who is depressed and start seeing someone who is going through a growth/learning phase?    LEARNING 2: I learnt to embrace my life for what it was, not what I thought it should be.   WOW – this changed everything for me.  I realised that the current life I was living was not the life that I expected.  I thought at 25 I would be madly in love, have a pumping business, be super happy and just kicking butt in life…  How wrong I was!!!  In fact, I was $300k in debt, my girlfriend had just cheated on me and I was single.  I felt isolated and alone.   My coach really helped me understand that I was not accepting this current reality. I was rejecting it.  This just made everything feel worse for me.   I worked very hard at letting go of the expectation that I had created, and started to embrace my new current reality.  This was hard work but it made a big impact for me.  It’s not easy falling in love with the life that I was living at 25, but I did it.   I started laughing at my situation and realised that I was a very lucky person.  It’s like the quote by Helen Keller “I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet”.  I got over my misery and came back to a place of ease.  I had to spend a full day on the beach writing out everything in my life that I love.   I became grateful again.   I also lowered my expectations and let go of the goal that I was going to be retired by 30.   If you haven’t watched it, I highly endorse a documentary called Status Anxiety. Here is the link to watch it free on YouTube: Status Anxiety   LESSON 3: I learnt to start giving again.   It’s amazing how caught up in myself I had become over the previous three years (22 to 25).  Everything was about me, me and me!!!   I stopped caring about my friends and family, then I couldn’t understand why they stopped calling me (it felt like they had stopped caring for me).  I began to make an extra big effort to go and focus on others. To see if there was someone else I can add value to and help.   It’s amazing how quickly you can feel great when you actually add value to someone else.    I started concentrating more on others than myself, and this was just bloody brilliant.   LESSON 4: I slowed down…WAY DOWN.   Please consider this one.  I had been going full throttle for 3 years.   Yes, I had a few holidays, but all I could think about was work.  This just created more stress on myself. My system was run down.  I was cooked!!!!  I didn’t want to do it, but my coach advised I take a 10-day retreat and heal my body. Just like a car goes in for a major service, this was a major service for my mind and body and boy, did I need it!   I sig