199. Understanding the Four Horsemen of Conflict
Resentment-Free Relationships - A podcast by Becky Smith
![](https://is1-ssl.mzstatic.com/image/thumb/Podcasts116/v4/5a/04/29/5a0429d0-6b9f-e68a-56c5-4c23cdd28cd6/mza_2379482799186476175.jpg/300x300bb-75.jpg)
Categories:
This episode features insights from John and Julie Gottman's research on conflict in marriage, advocating for healthy disagreement as a key component of intimacy and trust in relationships. Host Becky debunks myths about conflict-free marriages, introduces the concept of 'soft startup' for resolving disagreements, and discusses how to avoid the 'four horsemen of the apocalypse' (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling) for better communication. 00:00 Welcome to the Healthy Conflict Series 00:11 The Importance of Healthy Conflict in Marriage 00:45 Learning from the Gottmans: Embracing Conflict for Intimacy 03:30 Understanding Your Conflict Culture 04:08 The Gottmans' Five Steps to Resolving Conflict 05:19 Identifying and Overcoming the Four Horsemen 10:01 Self-Reflection and Improvement Exercise 14:09 Practicing Healthy Conflict Responses 15:30 Homework and Preview for Next Week