How To Handle Criticism With Confidence

Today, we are discussing How To Handle Criticism With Confidence. This is important because if we don’t develop our ability to handle criticism, we will buy into it and make it true, which gives our power away to people so that whatever their criticism of us is, we automatically believe it. So if they say you are weird, boring or awkward, you would just believe it and feel it’s anti-loving energy in your body. Also, if people judge your passions, interests, or dreams to be weird or not right for you, then you would agree with them and give them up. Even if we get angry and repudiate their criticism, we are angry because a part of is taking their criticism and criticizing ourselves with it. One type of criticism I struggled to handle was getting feedback that I was being awkward, boring, or embarrassing. This could be directly said to me or shown in peoples’ facial expressions. As soon as I perceived that people thought of me as awkward, boring, or embarrassing, I would make what I thought was their reality with me true. When instead, I could be holding on to the reality that I’m awesome and have a lot of value to give to people. But no, I couldn’t do that yet. So basically, in order for me to like myself, people had to permanently show me they thought of me as interesting, engaging, and cool. If I receive any critique deviating from those conditions, then, I’m a loser. This was especially true in my dating and relationships life. If I got the sense that she thought I was weird, then I would believe it for myself. Another area I couldn’t handle criticism well was with body image. I struggled with people telling me I was skinny and looked weak because athleticism and strength training is a value of mine and I’m actually much stronger than is the average person with my more skinny body size. People also tend to forget that size doesn’t necessarily mean strength, and someone skinnier can be stronger than someone bigger. And so I would respond with anger, and a part of me would just attach the meaning that because they criticize me for being skinny, I am not good enough. Automatically buying into criticism kept me stuck in anxiety because I was afraid I’d get emotionally beat up eventually in a conversation from someone judging me to “not be good enough.” And then out of desperation, I began to withstand criticism and hold onto the confident energy I wanted in myself. And by doing so, I learned how to hold my reality, so others couldn’t take it away with getting me to adopt the negative energy from their criticism.  Today, I enjoy freedom to hold the reality I want for myself no matter what others say about me or what I perceive their judgments of me to be. I choose to think of myself as awesome no matter what anyone says. Rather than only feeling good if no one criticizes me, I’m more certain of who I am than who people think I am.  So how can you do the same? How can you hold your reality so you can feel confident even if someone criticizes you? The key is to be more certain of who you are than who others think you are. 3 Techniques to help you hold onto your reality of who you are include: 1. Defending yourself and disagreeing with them. This isn’t about being hostile and aggressive, it’s about owning your reality of who you are. So if they say, “jeez you’re so weird around people,” you would respond with, “no way, I’m awesome. You’re the weird one (playfully). You can be humorous and turn their criticism of you on them. The important point is to not automatically believe it to be true and beat yourself up with it. 2. Question the criticism with curiosity and seek understanding. This is about figuring out why they criticized you to help them see if maybe they are mistaken in their point of view. If someones says you’re hyper or “too energetic” and need to calm down when you were having a good time chatting, then you could say, “Really? Why do you say that?” Them: because no one else is as energetic as you right now. You (following your curiosity): Okay, so you are saying I shouldn’t be the most energetic person? Is it bad to be the most energetic person? Them: Well… no, not necessarily. It’s just you look weird being so. You: oh, so it’s weird to be more energetic than others? What if I’m having a good time? Should I not allow that in myself to conform to everyone else’s lower energy? Them: Well no… you’re right. I guess I would be afraid to be energetic and different because I might get judged. You: oh, ha kinda like what you’re doing to me right now? Them: Very funny… Not all conversations of questioning them well be as smooth as the scenario I crafted above, and the point is to help them understand if they really believe their criticism of you or if there is and underlying fear. 3. Accept a grain of truth in their criticism without making it mean you are a loser. If someone overheard you stumbling on your words a few times when you were talking to someone you found attractive and calls you out for it, you could respond with, “Ya, I did stumble on my words a few times, huh? I was nervous and took immediate action to go talk to her without pre-planning what I was going to say. Besides, people make mistakes all the time when they are nervous. I ain’t gonna let that stop me from talking to women.” Did you pick on the energy there? Did you notice how I was accepting of my mistakes without beating myself up or making it mean I should abort my mission to pursue her? If I did beat myself up for messing up my words with her, then that would keep me in anxiety because I would be afraid of messing up again. The point is to be okay with imperfection. And, you can always try again. All is not lost. Your challenge is to apply this into your life. When you are in the face of criticism, apply your techniques of 1. Defend yourself, 2. Question them, 3. Accept some truth without turning on yourself. You’ve got this, you can handle this, take a “bring-it-on” attitude when others judge you because you are more certain of who you are than the criticism they impose upon you. You can hold your reality so others can’t take that away from you. And your reality includes awesomeness, confidence, and a ton of value to give others. You’re awesome! Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are. To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.