Just Can’t Keep It Inside

Episode #176: Just Can't Keep It Inside  (Song at 4.06) Just can’t keep it inside sounds like it was written by another song writer. It didn’t surprise me when it came through though. Every now and then a song in this sort of ‘soft ballad with a swung rhythm style’ comes through for me. I haven’t thought of this song for a long time. It’s from my first book, song number 62, written in 1987, in New Zealand. After writing it, I played the song from time to time over the next decade, but I just sort of didn’t have a use for it. I couldn’t imagine what I’d do with it. It didn’t fit in with 80s music for a live gig, that’s for sure. Also, this: there was one line that I didn’t like. One line and I let the song get buried for what 36 years. Ha. Oh dear. Many times on this podcast I’ve spoken of the need to be free enough to let go of certain parts of a song and rewrite. For some reason, I never did with this line. The line that didn’t sit with me was: ‘while you step on my broken heart and grind it In The ground.’ Yeek ! A little bit gruesome, wouldn’t you say.. and the words just don’t fit the gentle ballad. They might be at home in the middle of a ( really) angry rocker, but not here. As I recorded the song for this episode, an answer floated in on the breeze: ‘while you step on my heart. And that all just reminds me.how I can’t expect you…’ And just like that, like the wave of a magic wand, it was fixed. I’m only partly joking about the magic wand. This creative realm comes up with some amazing stuff in the twinkling of an eye. What was broken is now fixed…and I can share this song now. Recording these episodes has been a really good thing for me to do (that’s what I think right now). Why not put these songs here? Sure, they could be making me some money streaming online…on a paid service. I’m thinking eventually some well. Actually, a lot already are streaming, I’ve featured songs that I’ve previously recorded and released. It just struck me a s thing to do, a few years a go - and here we are. I mention something at the beginning of this episode, something along the lines of: ‘you imagine something and you create a version of it’ That is the creative process. I couldn’t help myself when I recorded the version as part of this episode, I stopped and added bass with a ride cymbal, Rhodes and a very rudimentary strings sketch - suggested orchestration. What happens when you give something form is: you create momentum…and that leads on to the next bit ( eg verse to chorus, and so on, with the actual writing process). With the recording process, you start to hear other possible elements. A low subtle trio of horns interjecting the vocals would be nice…. maybe one day. For now, you have the sketch that I winged as I sat at the mic and piano in my home studio, where I record these podcast episodes. It’s such good fun, and I’m discovering it’s been very helpful to have my piano at the ready, to demonstrate what I’m trying to put into words. Just Can’t Keep It Inside came about when I was younger. My first big romantic relationship had just ended. I was casting about at the time for different songs styles. I did have a style, but at this stage I guess I was fairly unsettled and it took me a while to calm down. Music is such a healing force. Putting ego aside and letting the creativity lead the way is such a healing thing to do, potentially. And the rewards keep growing. Sure, it’s great to write a song like this. But it’s even better when you keep rediscovering it, performing it slightly differently and then you think of more you could add… Ok hope you enjoy this episode as much as I enjoyed recording it.