SJ114: Analyst Thunderdome! Target cries uncle! Smartphone pee tests! Plus iPhone XR & dumb lawsuits

Welcome back from Thanksgiving shore leave, cadets! Co-captains Mike and Charles have realigned the solar panels to instead gather outrage, and let’s just say the collector cells are overflowing with it. Sure, there’s plenty of good news — Microsoft gets to bask in being the world’s most valuable company for five minutes, Amazon is adding Apple Music control to its Echo devices, Target is capitulating on Apple Pay, and you can now do clincal grade urinalysis with the help of your smartphone (pro tip: spills aren’t covered under warranty)! But there’s plenty of wrath to spread around as well, from Qualcomm shenanigans to Apple giving in to India, US DAG Rod Rosenstein talking out of both sides of his mouth, insurance companies dangling a “free” Apple Watch in exchange for your medical/health data, the iPhone XR being misreported as a flop (it isn’t), the still-half-baked Windows 1809 update, and a couple of truly moronic lawsuits against *guess which* deep-pockets company. Mike and Charles are putting together a People’s Space Court, cadets, and the guilty parties will be sent to the moon, Alice — to the moon!