Find the “More” You Need: Rosjke Hasseldine on Identifying and Voicing Your Needs; Mother Blaming; and the Culture of Female Service

Therapist, coach and teacher specialized in mother-daughter relationships Rosjke Hasseldine, is also the author of “Mother-Daughter Puzzle” and founder of Mother-Daughter Coaching International. She talks about the major topics she deals with in her work: mother blaming and estrangement, mapping your mother-daughter history, patriarchy and culture of female service, and identifying your needs and voicing them. She also talks about her mother Tineke who was born in Indonesia, raised in the Netherlands, spent two years in a Japanese camp during WWII, and later immigrated to New Zealand.  Tineke was a mother of five who sacrificed her teaching career to take care of others. As Rosjke describes her, she was a stoic and emotionally silent woman who carried her martyrdom as a badge of honor. We learn from her to avoid a life of self-sacrifice for others and instead to find what we need and claim it for ourselves. We also learn that martyrdom isn’t actually good for anyone – it is more valuable to find your talents and joy, and share them with the world. We also learn that caregiving should be a two-way street of giving and taking. To learn more about Rosjke and her work, visit her website.    Subscribe to Ana's new "Mama Loves…” newsletter here.  To contact Ana, to be a guest, or suggest a guest, please send your mail to: [email protected] To learn more about "Thank You, mama" creative writing workshop, visit here. For more about “Thank You, Mama", please visit: http://www.thankyoumama.net Connect with Ana on social media:  https://www.instagram.com/anatajder/  https://www.facebook.com/ana.tajder  https://www.linkedin.com/in/anatajder/  https://twitter.com/tajder