Am I the Jerk? | Splitting the Bill

In this episode of The A to Z English Podcast, Xochitl and Jack decide whether a person is a jerk for wanting to split the bill according to what each person owes as opposed to splitting the bill evenly.Transcript:00:00:01JackWelcome to the A-Z English podcast. My name is Jack and I'm here with my co-host social. And today we are going to do an am I the jerk situation. So social. I'm going to read you a situation from one of our listeners and then we're going to give some advice and say whether the person is the jerk.00:00:22JackOr not the jerk. So here's the situation.00:00:26JackI was at a restaurant with a group of friends when the bill arrived, everyone decided to split it evenly, even though I only ordered a salad and a glass of water, while others ordered multiple appetizers, drinks and desserts.00:00:41JackI felt it was unfair to pay the same amount as everyone else since I didn't consume as much.00:00:48JackHowever, I didn't want to cause conflict or appear stingy by asking to split the bill based on what each person ordered.00:00:58JackSo now I'm torn between speaking up for myself or staying quiet to avoid confrontation.00:01:08JackAm I the jerk?00:01:11XochitlWell, how would they?00:01:13XochitlBe the I'm confused on how on why they think they would be a jerk.00:01:18JackI think they're saying am I the jerk if I, if I don't pay, if I only pay my portion, if I don't do the split bill thing?00:01:28XochitlNo, I don't. I don't think there's any reason to think they would be the jerk because they only paid I'm a I'm a big fan of, I mean.00:01:38XochitlUh. In cultures where or in, in friendships and stuff where you might maybe alternate UM.00:01:45XochitlPaying the bill, putting the bill when everyone goes out, I think that's fine. But also, if someone's only got a small thing, I don't think it's fair to make them pay evenly. Split the bill evenly. What do you think, Jack?00:02:00JackYeah, this has happened to me too before where I think I I ordered like 1 drink and then the people that I was joining had been there for hours eating, drinking whiskey.00:02:12JackI mean, just like, you know, racking up the bill.00:02:17JackAnd then they go. All right, let's split it all up, you know? And then they gave me, like, a a huge bill.00:02:24JackA huge portion of the bill and I said.00:02:28JackLook, I I only had one drink.00:02:31JackI'm not paying for your, you know, whole meal that I never got to enjoy. And the whiskey that I never got to drink, you know? And they looked at me kind of weird, but they they I think they understood, you know the situation.00:02:37XochitlRight.00:02:50JackIn this case, I don't know. I'm kind of like.00:02:55JackI don't know.00:02:56JackI there's there's a few. I have a few kind of ideas about it. My first idea is like if you can't afford to go out to a restaurant, just don't go.00:03:08JackYou know what I mean? Like, sometimes the people go, oh, I can't really afford this, but I'm going to go and just have a salad and that will somehow.00:03:10XochitlRight.00:03:18JackThen I can afford that salad and then I get to to be with the people. And then when they split the bill, you realize ohh now I've got to pay more and.00:03:29JackIn that case, I just feel like maybe you maybe that that restaurant is just too expensive for, for you and it's better to just decline the the offer the invitation even though you really want to go. I think you have to, you know, know what you can afford and what you can't afford. And there's they're really.00:03:49JackYou know, shortcuts can backfire, you know.00:03:54JackAnd on the other hand, what I'm what I'm thinking is that like, just from a purely fairness standpoint, it doesn't seem fair that just one little salad that costs $10 and now you have to pay $30.00 because your friends were ordering drinks and they were someone had a tomahawk.00:04:15JackSteak. And you know what I mean? It's like that's totally unfair. And so calling calling it out.00:04:22JackIt depends on. I mean if the whole group is kind of like always does it with the split bill, then you should just order more and.00:04:32JackGet your money's worth.00:04:35JackOr don't go in the first place.00:04:39JackBut in this particular instance, I think it's OK to say something, but but I wouldn't do it again. I wouldn't walk back into that trap again next time.00:04:49XochitlWhat do you mean by like? Walk back in that trap.00:04:52JackWell, obviously if you if the friends are like if you've got friends with money or whatever and like it sounds like this situation, but that person doesn't have much money, I would say.00:05:05JackDon't go out to dinner with them again. You know, because it's they're, you know, they're they're they've got a a kind of system and they're on a certain pay level, you know, economic level and maybe you're just not there. So I for me I would just feel uncomfortable.00:05:27JackShould be in that situation because it would give me anxiety. I would be thinking about the bill from the very beginning of the meal instead of just enjoying my time and having drinks like I would. Much rather go to a cheaper restaurant where I know how much things cost and.00:05:44JackAnd and not have to worry about the the money.00:05:49XochitlI guess that I don't think you should have to limit yourself just because.00:05:53XochitlJust because I guess my thing is, I think it's OK to go, I think.00:05:59XochitlIt's I think it's crappy.00:06:07XochitlFor the friends.00:06:10XochitlI guess my thing is like I think they should still be able to go next time it's.00:06:14XochitlJust why not?00:06:14XochitlJust clear up how the bill is being handled ahead of time so that before you order before you ask for the bill, so there's no misunderstanding.00:06:24XochitlUM.00:06:26XochitlYou know just.00:06:26JackYeah, this is and this is the. This is all about, like appearances, right or like, how you're being interpreted. So I think this person is afraid they're going to be interpreted as being stingy.00:06:39JackAnd I think maybe that group of friends that she's hanging out with might.00:06:47JackJudge her as like ohh, uh or him. I don't know who. If it's man or woman, I might say like you know, well, every time we go with Jack, we have to split the bill evenly and it's really annoying and.00:07:01JackYou know, like, I don't know. I guess it just too of I I would just avoid that situation personally. But then like you said, I mean you are missing out on the experience of hanging out with your friends. But if they're your real friends, then they probably would would take your economic situation into consideration.00:07:20JackAnd not make you pay for their expensive meal, the appetizers and and entrees and desserts and drinks and things.00:07:31JackLike that.00:07:32JackSo I don't know, I guess I'm. I'm just, I'm torn. I'm I'm really in the middle.00:07:32발표자And yes, you can fly.00:07:35XochitlI feel like that they're your real friends.00:07:38XochitlThen why is this an issue?00:07:42XochitlUnless you don't like, you really don't have a backbone. You're, like, really scared of of rejection or something? If they're your real friends, why can't you just say, hey, guys, I'm on a budget.00:07:53XochitlUM.00:07:55XochitlI'm happy to see you guys, but I can we just distribute the bill and everyone pays for like what they.00:08:04XochitlBecause I don't know. For me, I'm like, I think it's fine. One thing I really struggled with when I, like, moved to Korea is.00:08:12XochitlAnd uh, foreigners did this, like more often than Koreans, and in my experience, like foreigners living there is like, people would pay for every, like if we go out to a restaurant like my friend group, like one person would pay for everyone's food and then next time we go out, the other person pays for everyone's drinks. And like, so on and so forth. And I just.00:08:32XochitlI it gave me anxiety because I didn't like.00:08:34XochitlPeople paying for my stocks like that.00:08:36JackAnd you know that your your turn and your shout is coming eventually.00:08:42XochitlYeah. And also The thing is like why we could all just pay like I don't want to sound, I'm just probably doesn't make me sound stingy and I'm OK with that. It's just like, why do we all have to pay? Like, it's like we're all. It's like we go out and it's like.00:08:57XochitlIf you're paying for everyone's round of drinks or whatever, you're automatically going to be paying for four drinks.00:09:05XochitlAnd maybe you just want to have one drink that night.00:09:08JackRight now, you gotta have 4 drinks.00:09:10XochitlAnd then then.00:09:12XochitlYou can get your money bread.00:09:14JackYeah. Or you're going to get or you're going to get messed. You're going to get screwed, yeah.00:09:18XochitlYeah, yeah. And so like, that's the thing that I didn't like is like it just made. It's like the thing that made me uncomfortable. And it even if, like, there was one guy in the in the friend group that for some reason had a lot more money than everyone else. And he always, like, would insist on paying for everyone. And it made me, like, uncomfortable, because I just felt like it wasn't.00:09:40XochitlFair to him because.00:09:43XochitlLike we're going out on his dime.00:09:45JackWas he British or?00:09:45XochitlA lot of.00:09:47XochitlNo, no, he was. Well, I don't know. I I think he was South African, I think.00:09:53JackOK, OK.00:09:54XochitlNo, I'm a liar.00:09:55XochitlHis his girlfriend was South African. He was from the US.00:09:59JackOhh. OK OK. Yeah, it's it's a very British thing. You know my round, then you get the next round and the next round. That's a very British thing. Americans are much more likely to just buy their own drinks individually.00:10:13XochitlHe was. I mean, I think the whole thing is like we were in Korea and it's a kind of a Korean culture thing. It's like one person pays a lot of the time.00:10:20JackYeah. The oldest person. Yeah. Which sucks. When you get old like me, so.00:10:26XochitlYeah, he was actually the youngest, and I don't know. I just felt really a lot of times he would pay like, one time I went to get Kate Barbecue and he paid, like, the whole bill. I tried to pay, but he beat me to it. And then another time we went to get like.00:10:42XochitlWe all went out for like drinks, I think, and he paid for everyone's drinks and like it was just something. It would just make me so uncomfortable cause it's like I don't like owing people like that. I it's like it's not. They think that we owed him. He he didn't care and he was really generous. But I in my mind it's like I owe you now and I it's owing.00:11:01JackYeah, I'm the same way.00:11:03JackI I like. I like paying for.00:11:04JackMyself, taking care of myself. I don't know. That's just so in this case, I'm going to say not the jerk because it just makes sense to me to pay yourself for what you pay for what you ate. Like, why is that not enough? Why? Why can't that be? Well, if you only want a salad, you're not hungry.00:11:26JackWhy can't why isn't it? Why?00:11:27JackCan't I just pay for my salad?00:11:30XochitlRight. Why can't you just get a salad? Yeah, I don't know. I think it's just like it's weird cause it to me, just like smells. Lot of like, it leaks of like, those people aren't your friends. Really. Because if they're really your friends, you could be like guys, you know, I'm broke right now, and then they wouldn't even put you in that situation.00:11:49XochitlBegin with.00:11:50JackYeah, that's true. That's true.00:11:51XochitlNo, not the jerk. But like get better friends. Because for me, if my friend was broke and.00:11:58XochitlWe were all going out. I'd be like, hey, I've got you. Or, like, between us, we'd be like, hey, like, we'll each pitch in five and cover their tab. You know, obviously, it's not like, an every time thing, but sometimes someone wants to join you, and they can't for whatever reason and in between friends, there's nothing wrong with pitching in. So not.00:12:06발표자Right.00:12:18XochitlTo me, but you know, get better friends, maybe.00:12:18JackNot the joke.00:12:21JackYeah, not that jerk can get better friends.00:12:23XochitlYeah. So, listeners, what do you guys think? Is this person a jerk or not? Let us know in a [email protected], shoot us an e-mail at AZ English.00:12:[email protected]:12:34XochitlAnd join our we chat lots of groups to join the conversations and make sure to remember that you can always e-mail us if you have a what the jerk situation that you want us to read on the podcast.00:12:43XochitlSee you guys next time. Bye byePodcast Website:https://atozenglishpodcast.com/am-i-the-jerk-splitting-the-bill/Social Media:WeChat: atozenglishpodcastFacebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/671098974684413/Tik Tok:@atozenglish1Instagram:@atozenglish22Twitter:@atozenglish22A to Z Facebook Page:https://www.facebook.com/theatozenglishpodcastCheck out our You Tube Channel:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCds7JR-5dbarBfas4Ve4h8ADonate to the show: https://app.redcircle.com/shows/9472af5c-8580-45e1-b0dd-ff211db08a90/donationsRobin and Jack started a new You Tube channel called English Word Master. You can check it out here:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2aXaXaMY4P2VhVaEre5w7ABecome a member of Podchaser and leave a positive review!https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-a-to-z-english-podcast-4779670Join our Whatsapp group: https://forms.gle/zKCS8y1t9jwv2KTn7Intro/Outro Music: Daybird by Broke for Freehttps://freemusicarchive.org/music/Broke_For_Free/Directionless_EP/Broke_For_Free_-_Directionless_EP_-_03_Day_Bird/https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/legalcodeSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-a-to-z-english-podcast/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy