Culture Corner | American Weddings

In this episode of The A to Z English Podcast, Xochitl and Jack discuss American weddings.Transcript:00:00:01JackWelcome to the A-Z English podcast. My name is Jack and I'm here with my co-host social. And today we have a culture corner episode for you and social. This is from our students. This question comes from our students and this the question is I want to know how Americans plan a wedding.00:00:22JackDo Americans have a dowry? Is there a dowry system in the United States?00:00:29JackSo should we start with like just?00:00:31JackHow Americans plan a wedding.00:00:34XochitlYeah. And Jack, I would be interested.00:00:36XochitlTo know about this because I bet you have like.00:00:38XochitlA lot of cultural.00:00:38XochitlBut I don't there since I know through like other people, but I don't know.00:00:47XochitlThere's things I've heard about American weddings, but I like US weddings, but I'm not super like.00:00:55JackOhh yeah yeah I.00:00:57JackI used to work. Uh. I used to work in the wedding industry. I was.00:01:00JackA wedding DJ in college.00:01:02XochitlOhh, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah, that's really.00:01:05XochitlInteresting. I didn't know that. Yeah, I'm not too first because a lot of stuff I know is through my mom. Who that's like.00:01:11XochitlMore Mexican weddings.00:01:15XochitlSo yeah, anyway.00:01:17JackSo maybe we'll go backwards. We'll start with the dowry, because I think, Simply put, most American weddings, didn't you do not have a dowry in marriage.00:01:27XochitlRight.00:01:28XochitlI think what's interesting is in the US culture, usually the brides parents paid for the wedding, correct?00:01:36JackYeah, that's true that traditionally that's that's true. The the Brides parents pay for the wedding.00:01:44JackWhat did the what?00:01:45JackDo the uh.00:01:47JackGroom's pants. Pay for.00:01:51XochitlI don't. I don't know, Jack. I'm.00:01:53XochitlGonna Google this while our listeners?00:01:55발표자Maybe it maybe.00:01:56JackTraditionally it was like you, the bride's parents, pay and then the the husband is expected to work and take care of the wife like.00:02:04JackThat's the.00:02:05JackThe arrangement.00:02:06XochitlEspecially the groom's parents paid for honeymoon, marriage, license, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, efficient fees, rooms and gifts, flowers, boutonnieres engagement party entertainment, groom and bride gift, wedding night accommodations and wedding transportation.00:02:27XochitlAnd groom and groom's been attired.00:02:30JackOK, OK. So all those little little things that they pay for the probably add up to about the same as what the the bride is paying for.00:02:43XochitlMaybe, and it might be like how I guess traditionally the man was expected to like, have a home.00:02:51XochitlReady for the to move into?00:02:53XochitlSo I guess that's kind of what his family is.00:02:58XochitlContributing towards, I guess the home and it's usually furnished and everything. So maybe that's why they.00:03:06XochitlThe bride's parents pay for the.00:03:11JackRight, right. And but I think I would say like that, all that stuff we just talked about is pretty much out the window these days like there's so many different.00:03:21JackVersions of this where like couples will pay for.00:03:24JackTheir own weddings.00:03:26JackThe parents will just, you know, split.00:03:30JackThe cost 5050.00:03:32JackWhatever you know, just the the bride and groom will give the parents a bill essentially and then then the parents will pay for half and the other.00:03:39JackParents will pay for half.00:03:41JackLike there's just so there's like a million different ways that people finance weddings these days.00:03:47XochitlYeah, there's many other iterations I would say of how it's done today. I think for me, I would just feel the most comfortable paying for my own wedding cause then I'm not on anyone else's budget. I get to do what I want to do and also what I can afford and I don't have to feel bad about where I spend my money. Like I could say I want a really expensive dress, but I don't care about.00:04:07XochitlThe flowers or something, but if someone else is is footing the bill, I feel like they have a lot of control or a lot of.00:04:13XochitlSay, does that make sense?00:04:14JackYes, it makes a a ton of sense, like as long as you if you do it yourself, then you get to make all the decisions and no one can tell you what to.00:04:24JackSo that's it.00:04:24XochitlYeah, which sounds like the dream for me.00:04:27JackYeah. Yeah, I think that's, I agree with that. I think a lot of couples do that or they'll have really small weddings. They're saying let's do a small wedding, but we get full control. And I I agree with that to be honest, because I think too many people, too many couples are concerned with. They want to have a great wedding.00:04:47JackBut they forget about having a good marriage. You know, it's like have a great marriage and.00:04:50XochitlRight, that's important.00:04:53JackAn OK wedding.00:04:54JackYou know.00:04:54XochitlRight. Yeah, just what can.00:04:58XochitlWe ask, is it rude to ask what?00:05:00XochitlYou and your wife did or.00:05:02JackNo, no, it's fine. Actually, we we followed that strategy ourselves. We didn't have a wedding. We.00:05:10JackWhat we did was we had like of a kind of family get together in Korea where my family met her family and we all went to a restaurant and then we, my wife and I went down to the embassy and we basically bounced back between the embassy and the City Hall for about.00:05:31Jack8 hours getting documents signed, going back to the embassy, getting this signed so that we could be officially be married.00:05:39JackAnd so yeah, it wasn't a very romantic day. It was more stressful, you know, just going to translation services and things like that. It's a lot easier now. But this was 20 years ago and.00:05:52XochitlRight.00:05:54JackBut, but you know, we've had a great. We've had a great marriage. So you know it wasn't it wasn't the traditional way of doing it with like a a wedding and stuff like that. But. But I don't think she or I have, I don't think either of us have any regrets about doing it that way.00:06:13XochitlYeah. Did you face any pressure from either of your parents, like your parents?00:06:17XochitlOr her parents about her.00:06:19JackNo, no, not at all. Maybe a little bit. I think the, you know in Korea there's like an opportunity to make some money. You know you invite a lot of guests.00:06:32JackTo the wedding, and then everybody just gives like 50 bucks or.00:06:36JackWhatever that we missed out on that, which was pretty stupid, you know, we could have we left a lot of a lot of money on the table so to speak.00:06:37발표자Right.00:06:45XochitlRight.00:06:49XochitlBut at the end of the day, you would have had to spend quite a bit of money on the wedding, so you might have just ended up recouping those costs but not really profiting.00:06:58JackExactly. There's no guarantee we would have, you know, made that much after and. And we don't know, you know, that many people. So we don't know how many guests we would have had, you know, some weddings that, you know, you get 1000 guests, right? Everybody's giving 50 or 100 bucks. I mean, you can.00:07:16JackLike a lot of money. But, you know, ours would have been smaller. And so, yeah, and. And as far as like, a dowry system goes, you know, dowry is basically like the the the bride's parents offer money to the.00:07:18XochitlRight.00:07:35JackTo the husbands, to.00:07:36JackThe groom's parents. Is that not right and?00:07:39XochitlThat is right, yeah.00:07:43XochitlAnd in this situation, it's basically the bright.00:07:46JackOhh wait, no, I've got it backwards. I'm sorry. It's the groom's parents that have to give the money to the brides parents, right?00:07:58JackI think I've got it backwards.00:08:00JackYeah, dowry is a dowry. Is the husband that gives money to the.00:08:00발표자And then.00:08:03XochitlIt says no, it says property money brought by a bride who has been on their marriage. So it is from the bride and her family to the husband.00:08:13JackOh, OK. That's what the diary is. OK. OK. I thought it was the other way around. I guess I'm. I was confused. OK, so it's the it's the bride's family offering money to the the groom's family.00:08:28XochitlUh, it says dowry contrast with the related concepts of bride price and dower, which I suppose are when the green gives money to her parents. So in these situations the man and this is, I mean I don't know. I don't really know about bringing Mexican culture into.00:08:48XochitlThis but this is kind of.00:08:49XochitlDifferent in Mexican culture.00:08:51XochitlThe man's family pays for I. I'm not really sure who pays for what. I believe the man's family pays for more, but they also pay a bribe price. Traditionally, it's not really done anymore these days. I think now most young couples pay their own weddings. Even my parents paid the their wedding, I believe.00:09:12XochitlAnd my dad paid for most of it, but my mom also.00:09:16XochitlPaid towards the wedding but.00:09:22XochitlI was just saying the man there traditionally would give like cattle money.00:09:31XochitlYou know, farm animals really usually like ex heads of cattle ex chickens, ex turkeys, whatever. To the brides family, so.00:09:42XochitlYou're you are.00:09:43XochitlGiving substantial amount of money.00:09:45XochitlFor your wife, basically, in exchange for your wife, kind of. And the US is a little different because.00:09:53XochitlIn more modern day culture, the brides the bride's parents are the ones who pay for the wedding, traditionally so.00:09:59JackYes, man, right. In some countries it's like the the you know, it's like you're lucky to be marrying my my son. And in other countries it's like you're lucky to be marrying my daughter. It kind of bounces back between the two. I mean, I would say in modern in, you know, in modern American culture there's no dowry system. You know, there's no.00:10:11XochitlRight, yeah.00:10:20JackThere's no more, but back in the olden days, like what social was talking about, you'd be like, yeah, sure.00:10:26JackYou know the part of the negotiation would be you marry my daughter, I give you 25 head of cattle, you know, and 60 acres of land, you know, whatever. Like, you know. And and and it was a it was a negotiation because because back in those days.00:10:39발표자Right.00:10:44JackIn American culture, like, you know, 1800s or whatever, women were considered property of men.00:10:53JackUM.00:10:53발표자Right.00:10:54JackAnd so, you know, we just.00:10:55발표자We don't think in.00:10:56JackThose terms anymore we, you know.00:10:57XochitlIt's funny though, because it's like even though we're considered.00:10:58JackWe have we lived in.00:11:01XochitlProperty of men. Our families are paying for.00:11:03XochitlA man to take us.00:11:06XochitlSo that's kind of so that's stupid, but also the other thing I I'm I will argue is that I think it's still pretty common in the US for the brides parents to pay.00:11:16XochitlMe for the wedding and I think that that constitutes a dowry.00:11:22XochitlTo me, it's.00:11:22XochitlAlmost like a dowry. Because why aren't the groom's parents really paying? It's the right. Like it's customary for the bride.00:11:30Xochitl'S parents to.00:11:30XochitlPay. So I think that that's like a.00:11:33XochitlRemnant of dowry culture in my opinion.00:11:36JackI would agree with that. Yep. Absolutely, absolutely, it's.00:11:39JackIt's it's an antiquated idea, an old idea that persists. But you know, it would be much fairer to just split everything down the middle, you know, or you know.00:11:50발표자Right.00:11:52JackI think going going.00:11:53JackOne step further and just having the couple pay for the weddings themselves. Get the parents out of it and you can invite them.00:12:00JackOr not invite them. But you know, yeah, I I think.00:12:06JackThat that's a better system.00:12:08JackOK, I think we got I think we captured this one.00:12:10XochitlAll right. Yeah. All right, listeners, if you are, if that answered your questions, please let us know and shoot us an e-mail. Let us know if there's a similar thing like a dairy or bride price in your culture. She does an e-mail at AZ englishpodcast.com, leave a comment down below on our website.00:12:30XochitlIt is the English podcast.com.00:12:35XochitlWe'll see you guys next time and also join our WeChat.00:12:37XochitlOr WhatsApp groups.00:12:38발표자Bye bye.00:12:39JackOK.Podcast Website:https://atozenglishpodcast.com/culture-corner-american-weddings/Social Media:WeChat: atozenglishpodcastFacebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/671098974684413/Tik Tok:@atozenglish1Instagram:@atozenglish22Twitter:@atozenglish22A to Z Facebook Page:https://www.facebook.com/theatozenglishpodcastCheck out our You Tube Channel:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCds7JR-5dbarBfas4Ve4h8ADonate to the show: https://app.redcircle.com/shows/9472af5c-8580-45e1-b0dd-ff211db08a90/donationsRobin and Jack started a new You Tube channel called English Word Master. 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