269: When change is on the horizon

Today on the show Betsy talks about when change is on the horizon and what to think about as things start to shift. Transcription: Hello fellow adventurers, I was trying to decide like, do I be like, Hey, I haven’t been here in a couple weeks, like, sort of like the friend that you’re texting is texting you back? Or do I just go dive right in to the story and pretend like nothing happened? I don’t know, I still haven’t decided. So I guess I’m just gonna do both. Hi, I’m happy to be here. It has been such a busy month, I will tell you that I have been really micromanaging my energy. About two months ago, I would say probably two months ago, I realized that I was complaining about the same things over and over again, do you have things like that, where you’re like, I’m complaining about the same things. And I have been complaining about these things. Like, for years, and there’s a reason why I’m not doing anything about it. in NLP, we call that secondary gain. There’s a reason there’s something I’m getting by not taking care of what it is that I don’t want in my life. And, you know, we see that lots of times, you know, with addicts, right, they don’t want to be an addict. But they’re getting something from it, even though it’s painful, and it hurts them and it hurts their family. And they are consciously aware of that. But there’s something else. And so, secondary gain is something we see obviously, on a much smaller scale, but there’s something that we get from the discontent. So a couple months ago, I was thinking about it, it was like, I have these few things that I’ve been complaining about literally for years. And, you know, I’ve talked about before. On the show, I’ve talked about how I use an app called day one, and it’s an app on my computer, and I journal in it every day. So I can’t go back. It’ll show me like on this day, five years ago on this day, and it was like the same things I was complaining about. And I was like why, like, it’s totally fine if I have those things. But if I’m not going to do anything about it, then I need to be okay with it. Right? Anytime we have an issue with something, or we’re upset about something, we have options, you know, we can do something about it, we can be content with it, or we can change it. So I started looking at those things. And I decided that in order to make those changes that I wanted to happen, I really needed to raise my standards, you know, standards for myself standards for people around me standards for what I tolerated. Right? In my own life. What was I tolerating, and I know I mentioned this before, but I literally think about it. Like, every day, I had a client that said I want to wake up every day and be stoked. And you know, at the time, she said it, I was like, Yeah, that’s good, that’s good. But then I kept thinking about it. And like, I not waking up stoked, and I get it that we have days that are bad days or days that are great days. But I was waking up with like this underlying like uneasiness. And I think that that happens a lot. When we give a lot, I know for me, and I’m guessing for you, if you’re listening, that a lot of people come first, right? Like maybe your kids or your husband or people in your job, or whatever it is, a lot of that stuff comes first. And if we’re not careful, it crowds out the room, and the energy that we would have for ourselves. And that’s what was starting to happen to me. I realized that if I didn’t want to keep complaining about these things, and I wanted to wake up every day and feel really excited about my life, then my life couldn’t be the way that it was. And I couldn’t keep tolerating the things I was tolerating.