Is Healthy Sex Possible After Betrayal?

  The first step is to create safety and stability.   MJ Denis,Trauma Specialist When women experience betrayal and the emotional abuse that accompanies it, they may wonder if they will ever be able to enjoy sexual contact again. MJ Denis, Trauma Specialist, explains that safety is the most important foundation for every victim's journey to healing, including sexual healing. Read the full transcript below or listen to The BTR.ORG Podcast to hear the entire interview. Emotional Abuse and Betrayal Damage Women's Confidence in Their Own Sexuality Every woman that I have counseled who has experienced betrayal has woundedness around her self esteem, her self concept, her looks, her character, who she is as a sexual being...The betrayal really causes her to wonder if she is less than, not good enough, broken. MJ Denis, Trauma Specialist The effects of betrayal can be far reaching. One devastating effect is a woman's inability to connect with her sexuality.  Healthy Sex is Only Possible When a Woman is Safe At BTR, safety comes first for every woman. Safety means that a woman is not being abused and betrayed by her partner. This may mean that she has ended the relationship permanently, decided on separation, or is staying in the relationship with protective boundaries to separate herself from abuse. What Is Healthy Sex For Trauma Survivors? Healthy sex is only possible when a woman feels completely safe: this includes physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, and sexual safety. The five components for healthy sex are: safety, communication, respect, playfulness and joy. MJ Denis, Trauma Specialist When a woman has established a baseline of true safety in every facet of her life, and is ready to begin a sexual relationship with a safe person (this means someone who is not betraying or abusing her, and has proven trustworthiness over a steady period of time), she can use the five components of healthy sex as a guide post in her journey. The Five Components of Healthy Sex For Victims of Emotional Abuse * Safety * Communication * Respect * Playfulness * Joy The key for achieving these five components in a sexual relationship is that both members of the partnership are safe people. This means that there is a strong foundation of trust without betrayal and abuse. Full Transcript: Anne (00:00):We had MJ Dennis here with us last week. She's back again. MJ is a licensed professional counselor. She's a licensed marriage and family therapist associate. So today we're gonna talk about healthy sexuality after sexual betrayal. Last week we talked about more or less that you have the right to say no, that you can say no. That saying no may be in your best interest. It may help you establish safety. Today we're gonna talk about the other side of that. So how do couples get from D-Day to healthy sexuality with someone who has betrayed them? Especially if the betrayal involved chronic compulsive behaviors - Safety & Stability MJ Denis (00:37):The first step is to create safety and stability. In order to get from discovery to healthy sexuality, the couple must have safety and stability in their relationship. Sometimes we start by making sure the betrayed spouse has food, clothing, shelter, that she has her basic safety needs met. The next step is to make sure that there is no more cheating, no more betrayal, no more active acting out is happening. Also, in creating that safety and stability, I believe a disclosure is necessary so that the betrayed spouse knows what has happened and can make some decisions ...