FPY#24 'Parenting: Quantity over quality' with Working Dad David Forrest

Introduction In this episode I am chatting with David Forrest, a well being educator from the Fathering Channel, 3 daughters Cloe (25, nurse), (22, artist) and Charlotte (18, child care teacher). This was such a fascinating interview that I couldn’t end the interview. So I decided to split it into 2 episodes! Part 1: 'Parenting: Quantity over quality' with Working Dad David Forrest  Part 2: Have your heard of the Fathering Project? Join the Future Proof You tribe: Sign up to the newsletter where I go deep in tips for working dads: https://www.julienmarchand.co/ Continue the conversation on this podcast episode in the Future Proof You Facebook Group for working dads. Start or pivot your business with my help as your startup coach. Check Join the Future Proof You tribe: Sign up to the newsletter where I go deep in tips for working dads: https://www.julienmarchand.co/ Continue the conversation on this podcast episode in the Future Proof You Facebook Group for working dads. Start or pivot your business with my help as your startup coach. Check http://julienmarchand.co/coachwithme for more info   Connect with the guest:   Website: www.thefatheringproject.org The fathering channel: https://thefatheringproject.org/subscribe-fathering-channel/ Instagram: @Dfmedia Public email: [email protected] https://thefatheringproject.org/fathering-channel/ https://thefatheringproject.org/support-us/lets-all-put-fathering-first/ https://thefatheringproject.org/2calls2dads/   Inspiring soundtrack: My 10-year old Taiyo is the one in charge of the soundtrack. In his own words he is a 'musical entrepreneur'. Every week he plays covers and his own compositions for the pleasure of the tourists in Manly,  Sydney Australia. Check out his YouTube channel and share it with your kids to inspire them:  http://www.TaiyoMarchand.com/   David’s own notes: Here are my prepared answered unedited. GUEST INTRO (2min) - Can you tell us more about yourself and your family? I married to my beautiful Justine and have been since 1987. You can do the maths on that. Together we have 3 beautiful daughters. Aged 25,22 and 18 I have been a wellbeing educator most of my career. Both in schools and the corporate health area. I finished in education as a Principal of a small school on a hospital ship called the MV Africa Mercy in 2017 and have since been working with the fathering project again focussed on improving kid’s wellbeing but by upskilling and connecting fathers.  My family is very artistic my wife is a photographer, my daughters create art and music and video. They also all work in caring industries Hospitals, nursing, Outdoor camp and Childcare. So putting others first kind of runs in the family.   WHY (3 min) - Why is the balance/integration between work and fatherhood so important to you? Well apart from being a husband, my next most important job is as a father. At TFP we like to encourage dads to say they are fathers first and then everything else. So from that principle or point you have to structure your priorities  My different roles at times compete with each other  and the balance gets messed up from time to time But you then have to come back to putting first things first. If we as fathers don’t take that role serious then our kids well-being suffers. It doesn’t mean it will all work out perfectly but the outcomes for the kids long term will be much better because we as men stay focus on the fact that we are fathers first.   IDEAL (3 min) - What is your ideal balance/integration? It is how we view time There are many arguments about quality parenting versus quantity parenting. Quality might be giving great experiences, holidays, toys, experiences but, if they are one every 6 months then you have missed the boat. Quantity fathering is about the intentional structuring of how you use the 24/7  hours we all get.  How you make sure your phone isn’t in your face when you get home. How you tune in to your family Wife and kids when you are there. At TFP we talk about BEING THERE for your kids.  Even if you are away for work or you live in separate houses, let your kids know you are there for them 24/7 if they need you.  But You have to tell them not just assume they know and Then you have to live it. It’s not always easy. Technology isn’t bad. It’s how we use it. It can be a great advantage and a great barrier to fathering.   SECRET WEAPON (15 min) - What are the challenges you overcame and what is your secret weapon? Tool, strategy, framework, philosophy, book,… THERE WILL ALWAYS BE LOTS OF CHALLENGES TO PARENTING. It comes with the job. One big challenge is recognising that your kids are their own person. They are not a mini me.  They like different things and if you push them to be and like the things you do, you might miss who they are. You might miss seeing their unique talents and then not allow them the opportunity to be the best humans they can be. I and TFP encourage dads to tell theirs kids they are special. But it’s not just a one liner as you run out the door. It requires research to find out what that special or uniqueness is So here is the strategy I say to dads out there.  1 don’t rush in and just say you are special and slap them on the back and give them a big gift or tickets to see the wiggles or one direction watch your kids 2 I suggest you stop  step back from your child and watch Take a month if you have to Watch and look for their unique talents They may be artistic, mathematical, caring, empathic, but really watch them over time and here is the next key 3 write down what you see. Create an individual special journal for each child. I guarantee you will start to notice that each child is different  4 Step 4 think hard about their uniqueness and ask yourself, how can their unique specialness impact this world in a positive way. This is about finding and articulating to your unique child that who they are has a place in this world. This gives kids hope. Hope that they will have a future.   Step 5 Once you have got all that together take the, on a one on one dad and kid date or outing and then tell them 1 I have been watching you 2 and I have seen in you these things 3 I believe that in the future with who you are, just as you are you have the opportunity impact the world in this way Kids need to know that their fathers and mothers have seen them and know them. Kids need to know that they aren’t just a distraction in their parents busy lives. They need to not only know they are special but how they are special and how that specialness fits into this crazy world. The second strategy we used was: Consistent messaging to your kids about their worth and giving them a hope for the future It’s a long story how we got to settle on this messaging for our kids but we evolved the mantra that our girls are Beautiful, Clever Strong and loved by God Mum and Dad. And there was a deeper message that we articulated  the beauty is not skin deep but comes from character,  clever was about taking in wisdom, learning to listen  strong was about having resilience, and not being easily swayed and Love was about know we have their back and the future will be good  So in short that’s been our secret weapon. HELP (3 min, Optional) - What do you currently help with? My role is helping to build DADS GROUPS IN SCHOOLS AND COMMUNITY JOBS ACROSS NSW AND AUSTRALIA. WE HAVE lots of resources on TFP website which anyone can access.  And this month we launched the Fathering Channel with podcasts, webinars, cooking shows, etc. So please goggle the fathering project. Org to see this. But what also fires me up is building communities of men, of fathers and father figures who have the conversation about what effective fathering looks like? I am keen to speak to any guys who wants to get a bunch of dads or even dads to be, together and I will host a zoom meeting and get this conversation about the there most important job fathering started. EXIT (1 min) - What do you want to leave the audience with? 3 things The research is clear that when fathers and father figures are engaged and involved in their kids lives THEY ARE EFFECTIVE. That is our vision is that every child in Australia has an effective father and father figure. So dads, step in and step up as a father. It’s never too late to start Secondly Upskill yourself as a father Less than 10% of the groups I first talk to have ever been to a course on how to be an effective father. That’s where we can help.  We have stacks of information on our website. The Fathering Channel is a new way to deliver this information so check it out. And lastly We need to support each other. I will mention that TFP is a not for profit organisation an needs your donations large and small so we can continue to spread this message to more fathers. But we need to support each other as fathers You need to form  groups of dads around the country. You need to find other dads around you that can share your journey with you. You can start by joining our 2calls2dads where we are encouraging guys to call two guys and just ask them how they are going. This will help start the conversation about how their fathering is going. We need to be there for each other. We can help you do this by establishing Dads groups in Schools, community groups and corporations. Send a message via our website. Tell them Davo sent you from the podcast and we have people in each state who can have a chat and get you started on being the best dad you can be for the well-being of your kids and a strong healthier happier Australia.