Confronting and Disarming a Narcissist: Wendy Behary

Sherry and Carla start the show talking about toxic masculinity, and how men don’t often get the emotional support that women do. They take a Love Fix Question on the main characteristics of a narcissist and then welcome guest Wendy Behary, Founder and Director of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey, and author of Disarming a Narcissist. Wendy discusses her private practice which is primarily devoted to treating narcissists, partners, and people dealing with them, along with couples experiencing relationship problems. She talks about the most common paths that lead to narcissism, how to set yourself up for confrontation with a narcissist, and why professional help is often needed for the narcissist to transform.   What You’ll Hear In This Episode: A Love Fix Question — what are the main characteristics of a narcissist? No one is immune to getting attracted or captured under the spell of a narcissist, but not everyone stays. Wendy discusses working with narcissistic men directly, what are some of the most common themes she sees in these men? Wendy talks about how having a plan set in place when planning to confront or leave a narcissist is critical. You may even look for a narcissism-savvy lawyer in the process. A few highlights of Wendy’s new book Disarming the Narcissist, along with how to work with Sherry and Carla on overcoming codependency, dating, break-ups, healing from toxic relationships, and gaining confidence. What is empathic confrontation, and how can you use it as a better chance of being heard? At the end of the day, it’s more important for you to hear yourself state your needs and boundaries than it is for the narcissist to hear you. How can you tell if there’s hope in a relationship with a narcissist, and when you should get out immediately? Wendy talks about why professional help is so important when trying to get a narcissist to transform. She details how long it typically takes to see growth and a few of the larger obstacles that show up. How to break a trauma bond. How is narcissism typically developed, and are people born with it, or is it something that is developed?   Tweetables: “No one is immune to getting attracted to or captured under the spell of the narcissist because they can be incredible, particularly in the courtship phase.” — Wendy “Narcissists get what they want and they know how to get what they want.” — Wendy “It’s not your job to figure out the profile of narcissism, but I do think it’s a bit of a gift for liberation.” — Wendy “The goal is for you to hear yourself. I want to hear me being the best advocate for me that I can be.” — Wendy “It’s really hard without therapy to imagine change that’s going to be sustainable.” — Wendy “I think that in betrayal trauma, which is the most common type of trauma, when you're living with a narcissist, the bond is such that it’s not so easy.” — Wendy “What happens with narcissists is they come into the world with a temperament that might be a little more sensitive, perhaps a little more impulsive, and they meet an environment that cannot adequately meet those needs or … imposes certain high expectations upon them.” — Wendy   Connect with Us! The Love Fix | @thelovefixpodcast Become a Member — Codependency Special — Wake Up Recovery — $1 trial membership Join the Narcissistic Abuse and Codependent Relationship Transformation Challenge FB group The Love Fix Relationship Quiz   Sherry Sign up for one of Sherry’s coaching or psychotherapy packages here: Sherrygaba.com/addiction-recovery/sessions-psychotherapy/rates-insurance/   Gain access to Sherry’s FREE ebooks for codependency, love addiction, or narcissistic abuse. Relationship-quizzes.com   Carla Website | Instagram | Facebook | Contagious Love | Online Dating Bootcamp   Wendy Website | Disarming the Narcissist | Facebook | Instagram   Today’s episode is sponsored by Carla’s book Contagious Love: Break Free from Codependency for Damn Good and Sherry’s book Love Smacked: How To Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency To Find Everlasting Love.   Thanks to Contagious Love and Love Smacked for sponsoring this episode.