All or Nothing – TPW307

In this week's episode we're talking about what happens when we try to do it all, all at once, and how that can negatively affect our productivity. How can we set aside the paralyzing, discouraging effects of perfectionism and move forward?



If we try to do it all (and perfectly), can it lead to us giving up and doing nothing at all?

If you're anything like me, you have many interests, things you want to try, and goals for the future. But you also have responsibilities and obligations to your family, friends, employer, etc. It's easy to feel like you have to do everything and do it well, all of the time. This overachieving mindset is harmful, though, and can lead to discouragement, burnout, and missing out on what's really important.

This week's episode was inspired by a recent message in The Productive Woman Facebook group. Rita's message really spoke to me and got me thinking.

I am 55, with a full-time, high stress job in healthcare and I am trying to complete my doctorate in nursing. Every time I sit down to write my proposal I get chest pain. The anxiety is crushing me. . . . I haven't found relaxation techniques helpful, possibly since there is no time at all to relax. I drive about an hour and a half to work each day and although I am very productive during my travels and I feel good about that, I feel I have no real downtime. I do not expect to find any until this is over providing I can complete my degree finally. Last year I had to put the degree on hold as I could not complete the assignments due to my husband being ill, I am so scared I won't be able to finish and I really don't know what to do. And I want to excel at work too which is making it hard too. I sometimes wish I cared less.

A lot of us can relate to Rita’s experience, trying to do all the things and wanting to do them well. We want to make a difference, live up to our potential, and leave a legacy.

Some studies show that we do it because we think we have to in order to advance in the world.  There is nothing wrong with that, but sometimes our own expectations of doing it all lead to us doing nothing at all.

We’ve talked about this before, in episodes 284 (Thoughts about Work-Life Balance) and 253 (When You Want to Do It All. It seemed like a good time to talk about it again, especially when so many of us are feeling additional pressures due to changes resulting from the Coronavirus pandemic. 

What it means - trying to do it all and feeling like a failure if you can’t  

Feeling like we have to do it all can sometimes come from external pressures. Maybe it's the expectations of others in your life. These people could be your boss, friends, parents, or spouse. Maybe you’ve trained them to have these expectations because you are so diligent, competent, and conscientious. 

There are also lots of messages out there that women have to do more just to stay on par. Whether or not this message is true, it has been internalized by most of us, and it affects how we do our work in the world. If we think we have to do more, it becomes our reality. 

Social media contributes too many images of other women’s perfect homes, perfect children, perfect careers, perfect hair, perfect lives. Of course, nobody’s life is perfect, but that’s the image fed to us, which increases the pressure: “If she can do it, I should be able to as well." We are standing on the outside looking in, seeing only those carefully curated images of perfection,