138: Transitions in Blended Families in Uncertain Times

Summary Brian Mayer talks to author Misty Fitch about transitions in a blended family.  In light of the world pandemic we are all facing, changes big and small in a blended family can offer challenges.  Misty offers lots of great advice on this topic.  We hope you enjoy today’s episode.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com Today's Goodies How Misty says to Deal With Kids Emotions When Coming or Going to the Other Home: “Every time we have worked with blended couples, its come up at least once because people tend to want to blame their ex spouse on the behavior of their kids when they return from their homes. And I've been guilty of that when we first were doing this whole thing when we were blended and transitioning. I remember blaming my ex spouse, why when they come back that we have this deprogramming stage.  …. And one of the things you'll hear me say a lot is it's not about you. It's not about you. It's not about the other parent. It's not about the pain you have or the anger you have. It's about the kids.” What Misty recommends on Dealing With Kids Communicating Back from the Other Spouses Home: “Trying to control anything over there is just it's not gonna help anybody out. And it's important that the kids know that too. Because whether you're in a blended family, or in a biological family, kids try to pit the parents against each other just to get their way if mom says no, they go ask dad, right? So it's kind of the same thing. When dad says no, so I'm gonna go ask mom. And even though they really don't want you to be fighting against each other, they want their way because they're kids, and they're very self centered. Right? So I think that's what happens a lot of times and we just have to be the adults. And again, remember, it's not about us, it's about them.” How Misty says to Deal with Differences in Lifestyles at the Separate Home I feel like we need to just redirect the conversation with them. But it's a conversation between you and your ex, if you can co-parent well, then contact them and know that you can’t have the exact same house. It's gonna be different. And we only have control of what we have control of which is in our home.” Misty talks about how her husband and she has has been dealing with the transitions that the COVID-19 pandemic is causingin her own blended family: “My husband has offices in our front room and he has everything spread out and he's also trying to get the kids started on work. And I told him I said, just, you know, kind of stay in your lane, you do your thing, and I'll do mine.  He's like, I don't even know.  But he wants to make sure everything is just right. And so when he's in the middle of it, he wants to kind of have his hand on it, make sure everything is happening the right way. But I also want him to not be disturbed you handle your work the way you always do pretend we're not here. We'll pretend you're not here. That has been hard. Not only that, but just school for us last week, I think it was that was our first full week of him being home. And I would let the kids sleep or stay in their rooms until like one o'clock because he's on conference calls and I didn't know how to homeschool. Quietly while he's on conference calls.”  Resources: Misty’s website is com Misty’s Newest Book Beautifully Blended for a discount and to receive a free chapter Thanks For Listening! With so many things that take time in our lives, I am more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode.  If you liked this episode and believe that it would be beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. The Remarried Life Facebook Group is a community of people just like you who get and give support.  Please join today!  ​ As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.