47: Is Technology Bringing Us Closer Together or Driving Us Further Apart

Summary Brian Mayer discusses how technology including phones, tablets, computers, and of course television continue to invade our lives and families.  He also discusses ways to limit this and connect more as a couple and a family.  We hope you enjoy today’s episode.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com Today's Goodies Did you know that the average American spends over 10 hours a day of screen time.  This includes television, smart phone, computer, tablet, DVR, DVD, Video Games, and other multimedia devices.  Wow that is a lot of time devoted to these!  Now of course there is some overlap with work and school being devoted to learning and getting things done, but it is still a lot of time.  Society has also changed the way we communicate with each other.  Face to face meetings where you are physically present have become more rare.  Telephone calls are also becoming more rare.  Even emailing which was once said to have replaced these is now itself being replaced by texting, instant messaging, snapchatting, and all sort of other iterations of online communications.       I heard somewhere that 70% of couples report that technology has caused problems in their relationship.  It could be that time spent on devices has simply increased the disconnection that the couple feels.  There are also instances of connecting with other individuals that eventually turn into emotional or even physical affairs.  Of course many people now meet and start relationships online that eventually move into face to face relationship, so it is no wonder that some don’t give this up even after they are married.  There is also much less stigma surrounding meeting online because it is so much more accepted.  Regarding kids, there are studies out there that link mental health issues likes increased depression and anxiety with increased screen time.  Now to be sure the causation has not been established, because it may be hard to detect which is the cause. Is increased screen time causing depression, or does depression cause kids to turn to increased screen time. Studies are continuing to be done.  The millennial generation are also reducing face to face time at a significant rate.  Instead they continue the conversations from school to online forums in the evening.  As we know this has resulted in kids being unable to get away from bullying in which they are not walking away from issues at school.  What can you do to reduce the hindrance that screen time may be having?  Some of these thing are quite obvious but they bear repeating.  Begin by tracking your technology time.  Simply knowing and understanding how much you use can go a long way to motivating people to make changes.  First, have a conversation with the family about the effect that screen time may be having on relationships within the family, outside the family, and on the productivity regarding work or school.  Brainstorm ways to reduce usage.  Make sure to allow your kids to brainstorm with you.  At this stage, tell them that nothing is off the table and that all ideas are valued.  Later you can begin to look at how realistic the ideas are.  In addition to brainstorming ways to reduce technology make sure to also brainstorm what you will do instead.  Maybe some nights kids can play, some nights they can read, some nights you can play games as a family.  Remember to mix up and give the family variety so that every night is not the same.  Make a contract that each member of the family can sign noting what kinds of screen times they can have, when they can have it, and for how long.  Make dinner a no technology time.  Use this time to ask open ended questions about the day and how each person is doing.  Here is one I just learned recently that is helping me.  On most smart phones there is setting that you can turn your screen grayscale.  It definitely makes the phone less appealing and I am finding I am spending a bit less time on it solely because of this.  Some studies suggest doing this reduces screen time by about 15%.  Have regular check-ins to assess how everyone is doing.  Give praise when you notice screen time has been reduced.  No doubt technology has a place in our lives and there is little to no chance that most of us will be able to remove it completely from our lives.  However, I hope today’s episode can help you think more about this issue and then implement some things together to help reduce the dependence on this.           Resources None Mentioned. Thanks For Listening! With so many things that take time in our lives, I more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode.  If you liked this episode and believe that it would be beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. It would be extremely helpful, it you would consider leaving a rating and review on Apple devices at iTunes  or on Android devices at Google Play as it will help the podcast reach others who need help in rebuilding life and relationships. The Remarried Life Facebook Group is a community of people just like you who get and give support.  Please join today!  ​ As always remember that marriage is nothing something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.