91: Be Different for 21 Days

Summary Brian Mayer talks about the old cliché about doing the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.  So how about doing different things to expect different results should mean the wholeness and wellness.  Today we will talk about some practical ways you can practice being different for one month to see if this changes your perspective, your partner’s actions and reactions.  We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com Today's Goodies If you are doing the same old thing day after day in your relationship things can get downright stale and sometimes your relationship can even start to move in the wrong direction.  If this is happening do not despair, this is actually quite normal and the longer you are together with someone you will certainly see and feel some ebbs and flows in the your relationship and in your attitude and feelings toward it. So we must be intentionally to make this relationship be all it can be unlike our previous relationships which may have gotten off the rails before we realized it was too late.  We are going to embark on an exciting 21 day challenge to help strengthen our relationships.  Why 21 days you ask?  Science says it takes at least that long for a habit to actually take hold and form so that more permanent changes takes place.  There is some disagreement based on what it is that you are changing in that it could take longer, but let’s start with 21 days.  This is going to be all about just doing small things, because it is the small things done consistently that can have a big impact.  Let’s talk about the different categories of things you can do to make a difference and some examples of things you can do.  Verbal Changes: More positivity Less negativity More compliments More appreciation Make requests more gently Be more supportive of your partner’s goals Something of Your Choice Touching More hugs More kisses More hand holding Back Rubs Foot Massages Something of Your Choice Acts of Kindness Do a Chore Normally Done by Your Partner Make your partner’s favorite meal Write a Love Note Clean Your Spouse’s Car (or have it done) Make Your Partner’s Lunch Something of Your Choice Gifts Favorite Magazine Favorite Candy Coffee Gift Card Movie Tickets Something of Your Choice So how should you go about organizing this next 21 days.  I would encourage you to do it in one of two ways.  You could sort of clump each of the 4 categories, so for example do gifts for 4 days in a row, the verbal changes for 4 days in a row. Gifts for 5 days in a row, and Acts of Kindness for 4 days in a row.  Of course you can do some other order. You could do each one category one day, then the next category for one day and so on.  Just basically wash rinse and repeat every 4 days.  So what to do if you are not getting the response you want?  Keep doing it.  This is our secret so keep pushing ahead for 21 days.  This won’t be as easy if you are not getting the appreciation for what you are doing, but if you are Christian like me then there is one who sees what you are doing and is well pleased.  In fact here is what the Bible says about what you are doing, “"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' Matthew 25:23 One other thing you can do is post in the Facebook group regarding your intent to do this and how it is going, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Putting this out in the atmosphere for others to see can hold you accountable for sure.    Resources: None Mentioned Today Thanks For Listening! With so many things that take time in our lives, I more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode.  If you liked this episode and believe that it would be beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. The Remarried Life Facebook Group is a community of people just like you who get and give support.  Please join today!  ​ As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.