64. Are You Hiding From Your Relationship with Money?: Tiffany Couch

Most of us have been conditioned to not talk about our finances. But for many people, confronting their issues with money is crucial to having a successful personal relationship with money, as well as having a healthy marriage.  Our culture places a high premium on financial success, and far many people blame themselves if they aren’t keeping up with their peers. But when we shame ourselves for our past financial decisions or for our current financial situation, we are incapable of making any change.  To move forward and make real change, you must learn how to cope with your shame in a way that makes it lessen over time.  Here with me today to discuss how to overcome money shame is forensic accountant Tiffany Couch, whose career brought her face to face with this issue. IN THIS EPISODE: 5:50 What is money shame? 9:15  Suzanne asks Tiffany about the types of money issues she sees in her business. Tiffany talks about a particular story with a client that has to do with emotions including, shame, embarrassment & betrayal. 13:00  Tiffany talks about divorce litigation in her business and how spouses typically do not have a  cohesive relationship with money. A lot of times this has to do with having separate finances. 14:40  Suzanne and Tiffany talk about the “WHY” when it comes to finances. They talk about the different money scripts people carry into their adult lives. They also discuss why couples do not have a cohesive relationship with money, why couples decide to have separate finances and how that speaks to bigger emotional issues. 16:15  Tiffany discusses how a lot of couples handle money in their relationships and how financial issues are typically a marital problem not a math problem. 16:45  Suzanne talks about how emotional and deep money is and how it relates to how we feel and think about ourselves, our desires/wants and the other person in the relationship. 17:40 The different money “scripts," such as being embarrassed by debt, not having enough, inheriting money or even having too much money. 18:47  Suzanne asks Tiffany about her experiences related to these scripts in her work and own marriage, how most people carry a script about money and how it rarely discussed 19:50  Suzanne tells her story about the money messages she received from her parents growing up. How we also each carry our own stories into our relationships and marriages. 24:40  Tiffany tells her story about the money messages she received from her parents and grandparents. She also talks about her marriage and how money affected her marriage 27:45  Tiffany talks about her big shame of making a lot of money and having nothing to show for it and the shame associated with that. How she eventually learned a better way to handle her relationship with money. 30:00  Suzanne talks about how she and her husband have overcome money challenges. 31:35  How people spend to fill holes that have nothing to do with money. 31:45  How to have a good personal relationship with money and do the same within your marriage 36:15 Two specific scripts that do not get a lot of attention: #1- people that make good money but want more and how that has to do with wanting safety. 37:50-40:15 #2  “ I make so much money that I am embarrassed.” and why that usually takes form in shame. 40:20 How money can cause conflict in a relationship 42:34  Suzanne talks about “financial intimacy” and why not having it is harmful to a marriage 45:05  Where we spend our money shows what we value. 45:35  When you can start talking about your feelings towards money and bring them to the surface, you can change your marriage for the better.