Episode 216 Happy New Year! Holly's 2VBAC + Prodromal Labor

Happy New Year! We are kicking off 2023 with a podcast filled with doulas. Meagan is joined by one of our VBAC Link-trained doulas, Sarah, to welcome our guest, Holly. Holly is a wife, mama, RN, doula, and placenta encapsulator. Holly’s first birth was a planned Cesarean due to breech presentation. Her second birth was a hospital VBAC with a long labor. Her most recent birth was a redemptive, quick, and dreamy HBAC (almost in her toilet)!Holly shares her tips on keeping a positive mindset through weeks of prodromal labor and how she was able to fight doubts and fears to achieve her beautiful HBAC. Additional LinksHolly’s Doula WebsiteHow to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for ParentsFull Transcript under Episode DetailsFull TranscriptMeagan: Hello and happy 2023. I cannot believe we are starting a new year off, but I can’t wait to see where this year takes us. Today, we have Sarah. She is back today. She actually was on a little bit ago, but we had some time craziness so we are having her back on for a full episode. So welcome, Sarah. Sarah: Hello, glad to be back. Meagan: So happy to have you back. So fun to be cohosting with our VBAC doulas. If you guys did not know, we have a VBAC doula certification for VBAC and we are going to start hearing from some of our VBAC doulas because I’m going to have them on here and there as cohosts. I’m so excited to have them on, share where they’re at, and of course, have them be a part of this amazing community too. Sharing these stories and hearing these stories on the podcast seriously lights my day up. So on those days where I’m like, “Okay, we’ve got 4 hours of podcasts.” A lot of people might dread 4 hours of work, but I don’t see it as 4 hours of work. I see it as 4 hours of inspiration and motivation for me to keep going on The VBAC Link and to share these stories with you. Review of the WeekWe have our friend Holly today and she’s going to share her VBAC story but I’m going to have Sarah read a Review of the Week before we do. Sarah: Okay. This review is from Apple Podcasts and I hope I’m saying this username correctly, but it’s Kyeiwaaglover. Meagan: Yeah. When I saw that I was like, “Kyoa?”Sarah: Kyeiwaaglover, I believe, and it says, “As a doula, I’m grateful for platforms like this to refer to clients and for me to learn as well. “Meagan: I love that. It’s kind of fun. Today, we’ve got me, Sarah, Holly, and then Kyeiwaaglover– I don’t even know how to say it. Sarah: Kyeiwaaglover. That’s what I’m going with. Meagan: Yes. We are all doulas. A fun background story about Holly is she is actually a registered nurse by trade but after her VBAC, she found the passion like a lot of us and has since become a doula and a placenta encapsulator. I think it’s fun how we’re sharing a VBAC story, but together, even with the review, I didn’t even make that connection until you just said that, but we’re all doulas today so yay for doulas. I’m so excited to get into Holly’s story. Holly’s StoriesMeagan: Okay everybody. Holly, thank you so much for taking the time today to share your story. I know you’ve got your little one in a wrap strapped to your chest. So stinking adorable. How old is your baby? Holly: He is 7 weeks today. Meagan: 7 weeks!Holly: So we’re going on 2 months. Meagan: Just really little and he was trying to turn into the camera. Holly: I know. Meagan: Well, we would love to turn the time over to you to share your VBAC story. And of course, your C-section story too if you would like. Holly: Absolutely. I have a bit of a journey with my birth stories. My first daughter is 4.5 now, so I was pregnant a little over 5 years ago with her. I was finishing up nursing school. I was really into the medical model of care at that point just being in nursing school and getting all of that information. During my pregnancy, it was my last semester, and I was with a midwife at a clinic. I overall had a great pregnancy and great care. I finished nursing school, took my MCLETS, finished everything, and so we were in the last few weeks of pregnancy and I got to about 41 weeks with her and we had those tests at the end so you can check to see their growth. Meagan: It’s like a third-trimester ultrasound where they go through everything. Holly: You go overdue and they’re like, “Let’s make sure everything’s okay.” Blah blah blah. A bunch of time went by and they can’t tell you anything in the ultrasounds, and then my midwife had called me later that evening and she’s like, “You know, your baby is actually breech and these are my recommendations,” and so on. At that point, I still had prepared myself for a natural birth. I didn’t want to do an epidural. I wanted as few interventions as possible. I didn’t even think of that as a thing that could happen, so it just tore my heart out. At 41 weeks, you’re so emotional and so full of hormones so it took a long time for me to process it. I went and had a consult with an OB at the local hospital and they were like, “Well, we could try turning the baby, but at this point, you’re 41 weeks. There’s a lot of risk to it.” They’re like, “Basically, your only option is a C-section.” I’m like, “Okay.”I didn’t have all of the education and resources that I have now, so at that point, I had to put a lot of trust into the medical system and took their word for it and we had a planned C-section with her. But I was 41.5 weeks by the time we actually scheduled it, so it wasn’t an emergency. They were like, “If you go into labor, it’s an emergency, but we’ll still schedule it for 3 or 4 days from now.”Overall, my C-section went really well. I was able to have my baby skin-to-skin right away. She never left me. We stayed together which was awesome. I had a really good recovery from that, thank God. There weren’t huge traumas with it but once I got pregnant with my second, I realized how actually traumatic emotionally it was for me, so it took a lot of healing and processing to be able to give myself that second chance and to go for my first VBAC. About a year and a half later, I got pregnant with my second daughter. She is now 2.5 years old. At that point, I really had gotten into more– I was still working as a nurse and I had really gotten into more of natural living and natural solutions and just a holistic view of health. I had hired a doula. At that point, I was interviewing providers at the hospital and I hired a doula who was going through midwifery school. She was just a wealth of knowledge. I had a doula with my first baby, but it wasn’t what I had expected out of a doula, unfortunately. But, my doula with my second baby was absolutely incredible. She just provided me with so much information and was there for me to support me, to help me through all of my emotions with my first birth. So talking with her about the providers I had interviewed and told her, “I still don’t feel comfortable choosing one.” She was like, “Well, have you given home birth a thought or hiring a midwife?” I’m like, “Well, there are no midwives at the hospital that will take me because they can’t take VBACs at the hospital.”And in Minnesota, home midwives are allowed to take on VBACs at home. They don’t have huge restrictions there on the home birth midwives so I’m like, “Okay, well maybe. I don’t know. There are these risks that I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with that right now.” She’s like, “Well, either way, you can always just interview one and get the information so you have both sides so you know which way you want to choose and you are fully informed.” I said, “Yeah. You’re right.” So my husband and I interviewed a couple of midwives. One of them was a little iffy with taking us on. She didn’t seem very comfortable with VBAC which was fine and another one was pretty good. She was more medically minded and then I interviewed a third midwife. She had a lot of experience with VBACs and was just overall matched really well with us. We ended up choosing to home birth with my second baby. That whole prenatal care with our home birth midwife was incredible. The prenatal care alone was just so different from a clinical setting. I was about 40 weeks at that point and we were going for our home birth. You get to that 40-week mark and you’re just like, “Okay. When is this going to happen? I’m so ready to have this baby,” but also trying to trust your body and knowing when that time is right. So I was a couple of days away from 42 weeks and labor happened spontaneously. I labored at home with my doula and then my midwife came later on. My husband was there and my mom was there. I labored for a total of 24 hours and we ended up suspecting after checking my cervix and checking baby’s position that she was stuck. Her head was flexed, so her chin was up instead of tucked down to her chest, so she was stuck on my pelvic bone for quite a while. After assessing the risks and everything, we ultimately decided to transfer to the hospital. The hospital was 5 minutes from us so it was one of those things where it was comforting knowing that it was so close, but also, in this pregnancy and in this experience with my second, I really had a hard time letting go of control and really trusting my body fully 100%. I think that also kind of affected the way I labored and my thought process. We transferred to the hospital and had a really great resident doctor. She was incredible. She was like, “You know, do your thing. Do what you need to do. Just let us know what you need.” The OB that was there was a different story, but I ended up laboring there for about 8 more hours and that included about an hour and a half of pushing. I had my first VBAC at the hospital and she came out just screaming and crying, eyes wide open. I just remember crying and saying, “We did it. We did it.” I couldn’t believe it. I was just in shock and it was very healing. But later on, I found that there were still parts of it that were a little traumatic for me and I had things to heal from with that birth too even though I had successfully had a VBAC, it was different and not fully what I expected. So that leads me to my third and final baby here. We again decided to plan for a home birth. My daughter was a little less than 2 and my other daughter a little less than 4 when we got pregnant with him. Again, we decided to home-birth and my husband was like, “Are you sure? Last time we ended up going to the hospital. Do you think that’s just going to be easier if we just plan for that this time?”I said, “No. Absolutely not. We’re having this baby at home.” My mindset was so different. I started as a doula after my second daughter was born and I had really gotten into that natural birth and trusting your body and just knowing that our bodies were designed for this. Our bodies were perfectly designed for birth. Yes, there are times when medical intervention is needed, but really, I just was so in this mindset of, “I can do this. This is it. This is my redemption. I know I can do this.” I didn’t even have to interview any midwives. I actually hired my doula from my second birth. She had become a midwife and was practicing and I just instantly knew her philosophy and her beliefs surrounding birth were exactly what I needed in my prenatal care and my birth, everything. We started seeing her from about 16 weeks onward and so we had all of our prenatal care at home. It was incredible. She really put everything into my hands which was what I wanted. I wanted control of the tests that we did and that we didn’t do, everything. We weren’t going to have an ultrasound to find out the sex but ultimately, my husband and I agreed to have a 20-week ultrasound at 23 weeks. We found out the sex and we were just so surprised and so happy because we were having a boy and if we were having a girl too, of course, we would have been just as happy, but at that point, I could get rid of all my girl clothes and start organizing and getting ready. It was just one of those things that my heart needed. So with my midwife that we had, like I said, she really put the control in my hands. I felt so much respect from her and I felt like in every decision I made, I was fully informed. I understood everything. I made the decisions that were best for me and my baby and our family. Leading up to my birth, those few weeks before, we talked about fears and if there was anything I needed to process before my labor. This time I was like, “No. Really, I feel good. I don’t have any fears.” There was a part of me that was like, “What if we do transfer to the hospital?” but the other part of me was like, “Don’t worry about that. Put that out. You’ve done it before. You know what to do,” so I put that part out of my head too. I was like, “Nope. We’re having this baby at home.” We actually were planning to move cross country down to South Carolina in September so my midwife was like, “Do you feel okay about this timeline you’re on?” I’m like, “Oh yeah. I’ll go to 42 weeks and I’ll still have 3 weeks before we have to move. It’ll be fine.” She was just like, “I can’t believe you’re fine with that.” I’m like, “Yeah. I feel totally good about it. I have so much support.” My husband’s family was coming right after the baby was born. The amount of support we had was exactly what we needed and I’m so thankful for that. Near the end of my pregnancy with our son, there were a couple of points where we actually thought he was breech, and those brought back a lot of feelings. I kept telling my midwife throughout my pregnancy, “This pregnancy feels a lot like my first just my cravings and everything.” She was like, “Okay.” We ended up thinking he was breech and I’m like, “Oh great. Here we go.” But at that point, I was like, “It doesn’t matter what position he’s in, I’m still letting myself go into labor. If he was breech, I was still going to birth him vaginally and everything.” It didn’t matter to me but it was also like, “Okay, I have to prepare for this if this is a change of plans.” Another midwife locally has a little ultrasound that you can plug into your phone, so we checked quickly to see where his head was just so we could confirm and prepare if needed and she was like, “Yeah, I think he is breech. I think this is his head up here.” She was like, “Let me check a little bit lower,” so we checked a little bit lower, but it turns out that his head was super, super deep in my pelvis. I’m sure I probably was dilated too to maybe 2 or 3 with him because he was just so low in my pelvis that they were feeling his shoulders when they would palpate. I threw that out of the window. He was head down. We were good to go. The next few weeks, I was about 39 weeks, maybe a little before that, and I started having prodromal labor. I kept referring to it as that and I’d have contractions all day long, all day long, and then I’d go to sleep at night and they’d go away. Nothing would happen. They were fine. They weren’t contractions where I’m like, “Oh man,” trying to breathe through or anything, but they were uncomfortable and they had changed from Braxton Hicks because I had Braxton Hicks throughout my pregnancy too. So they had changed. They were stronger and lower. It was just one of those things which messes with your head. You’re like, “Okay. Could this be it? No, probably not. I’m just going to go to sleep,” and when you wake up in the morning, it’s like, “Okay. No baby.” Weeks of that and it was just physically exhausting, mentally exhausting and then you get family who are like, “When’s the baby coming?” You’re like, “I don’t know.” You want to tune everyone out, but at the same time, you can still hear them and you get in your own head. That’s why now, with my own clients, I’m like, “Don’t tell anyone your due date. Just don’t. Tell them your birth month. Sometime in August. That is it,” because people mean well and they don’t necessarily mean to be pushy with it, but–Meagan: I know. Holly: –-it’s just one of those things where it doesn’t help. It really doesn’t. And then there was one weekend, I got up and I was 41 and 2 or 3 days. That weekend, I just told my husband, “We just need to go. I need to get out of the house. I need to go out and do things all day long. I don’t want to be here contracting.” He’s like, “Okay. All right. That’s fine.” So we took the girls and we went to my sister’s camper and we were there all day swimming and hanging out. I started having contractions like, “Oh man,” like twinging pains in my cervix. I’m like, “Okay. This is different. Maybe something’s happening. I’m going to be patient and keep myself busy.” I went to the bathroom later on around dinnertime. I had actually brought my daughter to the bathroom and I’m like, “Okay, I’ll go too.” I wiped and I’m like, “Oh my god, there’s some mucus plug on my toilet paper. Yes. Things are happening. Okay. Back to trusting my body and knowing that everything is happening at the right time.” I went out, of course, and told my husband. He was like, “Okay. Do we need to go?” I’m like, “No. We’re fine. We’re going to stay here. We’re going to finish our day then go home.” We went home and there were more contractions. It felt like there were more. Actually, a week before this– I forgot to mention this– my midwife was like, “Stop referring to it as prodromal labor. Think of it as early labor.” I’m like, “Okay. I’ve been in early labor for 2 weeks now. That’s not helping, but okay.” Meagan: Well, I will say this though. Sometimes when we tell our clients, “Oh, it looks like it’s prodromal labor,” they’re like, “So you’re telling me that I’m not laboring?” So maybe if we change it to early labor, it’s just– I don’t know. Like you said, it’s just a really long early labor. Holly: Yeah. I know. And it kind of helps. It’s all a process. It’s all doing something. It’s not for nothing. My body was doing– I don’t know. Maybe he wasn’t in the right position where my body wanted to birth him, but he wasn’t finding the right position. Meagan: That’s a lot of the time the reason why prodromal labor happens because our uterus is brilliant and it’s trying to work and get our baby into the right spot before labor begins. Holly: Yes. Yes, yes, yes. So much yes. So the next morning came around, I’m like, “Okay. I slept all night. That’s great, but nothing happened. Okay. What are we going to do today?” So we drove 45 minutes north to my dad’s house and my husband was like, “Do you think this is too far?” I’m like, “No, this is fine.” I thought this was going to be our last time at my dad’s house before we had a baby and then move. I’m like, “This is what I need.” So we spent the day on the lake swimming and just hanging out. I still had those contractions and twinging. I’m like, “Okay. This is good. We’re just having a nice time,” and then we went home and had dinner and went on a walk with our girls. I think it was that night, we had a couple of friends over. They were fixing something in my husband’s car. I went back inside and got my girls to sleep. I went to the bathroom and I noticed even more mucus plug that night. I was like, “Okay. Awesome. We’re on the right path still.” I went to sleep that night. Actually, early, early Monday– because that was a Sunday night– so early Monday morning at 3:00 AM, I was waking up to these stronger contractions and I was sleeping, but I was breathing through them. I could tell that it was more than what it was before. That morning comes and I told my husband. He actually had an interview for a new job that day virtually. He was like, “Well, I have to be at this interview.” I’m like, “Okay. It’s fine. We’re not going to have a baby yet.” I went throughout that day and I had these contractions where I was breathing through them. I was stopping what I was doing and shushing my girls and being like, “I need this moment to get through this, and then we’re good.” My midwives came over to check on me and my contractions stopped. They went away. I was like, “Okay. This is obviously my body telling me that I need alone time.” They left and my contractions started coming back again. My girls were around. They are 4 and 2. They were just nuts at this point. It’s kind of like my body knew to pull back for a while and then I actually went to Target with my mom Monday afternoon. We bought a rocking chair. I’m like, “I need a chair. This is going to happen soon. “ I wasn’t going to get one because we were moving and then I’m like, “Nope. We’re just going to do it.” We were walking around Target and I’m just having these contractions and stopping and she goes, “Are you sure we’re okay to be here?” I’m like, “It’s fine. Everything’s fine. It’s not happening yet.” I’m just in denial. We get home and we do our nightly walks with the girls and I’m curb walking and just trying to get things to keep going and get stronger. I texted my midwife. I’m like, “Yeah, they’re like 10 minutes apart. Definitely stronger and lower and more painful, so yeah. We’ll see what happens later.” She’s like, “Okay. Whatever.”That night, we were outside and my daughter Hannah is my two-year-old. She’s like, “I’m ready to go to bed.” I’m like, “Okay. Let’s go.” We get her inside and my husband and my other daughter were outside playing still. I got her to bed and we just cuddled in her bed and got all of that oxytocin flowing. Then after that, my contractions were really starting to pick up and started to get a little closer together. They were about 8 minutes at this point. I started texting my husband. I’m like, “Where are you? Where’s Callie? You need to get her to bed.” I called my husband’s parents and I’m like, “Can you pray for me? I want you to pray over me now. I feel like something’s going to happen here soon and maybe tonight’s the night.” So just having that prayer really helped me calm down and really settle down. Then after that, my husband comes in with my daughter. She’s not wanting to go to sleep and keeps coming out of her room. I told him, I’m like, “Okay.” I don’t know what came over me, but I’m like, “You need to get her to bed right now. She cannot be out here anymore. I can’t do this.” He goes, “Okay, all right.” Finally, she goes to sleep and stays in her room. He’s in there with her until she falls asleep. So I’m like, “Okay. I’m going to make myself some toast and a snack and some tea and relax a little bit. Maybe just go to sleep.” So I’m in my kitchen and all of a sudden, this contraction just comes over my whole entire body. I’m like, “Oh man. This is it. This is the one. This is the start of it.” Finally, I took myself out of denial. I’m like, “Okay. Things are going to happen.” At the top of this contraction, I’m standing at the kitchen sink, and my water breaks. My husband is in my daughter’s room. I don’t have my phone on me and I’m just like, “Oh my god. Oh my god.”Meagan: Like, “Okay. This isn’t going to stop. I don’t think this is going to stop.” Holly: I know. I’m like, “This is real now. My water broke. This is actually happening.” It took my water breaking for me to actually believe it at this point. Thankfully, I was actually standing over a rug by my kitchen sink. I’m like, “Okay. This is great. I’m on a rug, but I want to move. I don’t want to walk down to my room.” I stand there for a minute and I’m like, “Oh my god. Oh my god. Jason!” My husband’s name is Jason. He doesn’t hear me of course because he’s in my daughter’s room and so then I finally waddle all down the hallway down to our room. I get my phone and I text him. I said, “My water broke.” He texts back, “Great!”I don’t know what he was thinking. I called my midwife and I was really calm. I was like, “Hey, my water broke and things are happening.” She goes, “Okay, great. How far apart are your contractions?” I’m like, “They’re probably 6-8 minutes, 8ish minutes I guess.” She goes, “Okay, well why don’t you time them for the next half hour and then text me and let me know how they are?” So I’m like, “Okay, I have some time.” Little did I know, she was actually texting my husband, “I’m on my way. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” She’s like, “I don’t want to miss your birth.” My husband finally comes out of the room. I wasn’t panicking but moreso excited and being like, “Okay. It’s happening. This is it. This is what we’ve been preparing for and waiting for.” At this point, I was just emotional every day about wanting to have my baby and not be pregnant anymore. He was like, “Okay, great. What do you need from me?” At this point, I’m already cleaning up our room, and not because we were having our midwives but mostly because I wanted our room to be prepared. I had everything set up like my twinkle lights and my affirmations, everything. So at that point, my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart. So as soon as my water broke, they really got going. I was really starting to labor through them now and breathing and moaning and doing all of the labor things. I found my ideal position of laboring. I was on my knees hunched over my bed because my bed was just on the floor at that point.My husband was telling me, “What can I do? How can I help?” With my first VBAC, I had this weird, sharp, dull pain. It was so hard to describe. It was on my right leg from my butt all the way down to my heel. It was awful. It never went away. I couldn’t find anything that made it comfortable, so I’m like, “Can you just massage my legs? I have that same pain this time through every contraction.” I think that was the only fearful thing. I didn’t want to have that this time and of course, I did. So I’m like, “Just massage my legs,” so he grabbed some [towels] and he was massaging my leg through every contraction in between and then he was doing counterpressure on my back. At this point, things were really picking up very fast. So my water broke at about 8:40ish and then my midwife and her assistant midwife and then another student got there at about 9:40 because she lived about 45 minutes away. So then they got there and I was really in labor land and just really in the thick of it and I just remember thinking, “Why am I not getting a break? These contractions just keep coming quicker and quicker and I’m not having as much time in between. Why am I not getting a break?”She goes, “Well, things are happening fast.” I’m like, “Okay, all right,” and still not thinking anything of it. I was in the on-my-knees position laboring which felt super great and my husband was doing counterpressure perfectly through every single contraction, bless his heart. At one point, I’m like, “Okay, I’ve got to get up. I’ve got to go pee. It’s been a while.” They’re like, “Okay, you’ve got to get up. Let’s go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet for a little bit. That’ll be good for labor, for dilating, for everything.”I’m like, “Okay. I can do that.” It took all my might to stand up because his head was in my pelvis and– I don’t know. Some women labor standing up and push and everything. I just cannot even imagine because I stood up and I just waddled. I’m like, “This is the weirdest feeling and so uncomfortable.” I got to the bathroom which is attached to our room thankfully. I got on the toilet and I remember being like, “I can’t pee.” In my previous labor, that same thing happened and they actually gave me a catheter and took out a ton of pee which eventually actually helped my baby come down. So this time that happened, I’m like, “Oh no, we’re going to have to put a catheter in.” She goes, “I don’t know. Just give it some time.” We were on the toilet for maybe 10 minutes and I had a couple of contractions that felt good this time. They didn’t hurt. They just felt like my body was– it’s so hard to describe and now, looking back, I’m like, “Okay. That was my body pushing.” So this time I really got to experience that my body was actually doing it. I wasn’t pushing. I wasn’t doing anything. These contractions were just pushing my baby out. She was like, “Why don’t you just put your hand down there and just see if you can feel baby?” To my surprise, I’m like, “Oh my god. His head was maybe a knuckle deep.” I’m sorry if that’s too much information. But he was so close. He was right there. I’m like, “Oh my god. I’m doing it. My body is doing it. He’s doing it. We’re so close.” I had another very light contraction that didn’t feel like it did anything at all. I’m like, “I don’t know what that was, but I’m sure it was my body just getting a little bit of a break.” Still, at that point, I didn’t think I was about to birth him, but another contraction came and I put my hand down. This contraction came on so suddenly and my body just was pushing. All of a sudden, I felt my baby’s head emerge. My hand was over the top of his head. I was still on the toilet and I was like, “Oh my god. He’s coming right now. I need to get off of this toilet. He cannot be born into the toilet. That cannot happen.” My midwife was in front of me beside the toilet and my husband was behind me. He was doing the counterpressure, so I told him, “You have to lift me up.” He was like, “Okay. Here’s a stool back here.” I’m like, “No, I can’t sit on a stool right now. You just need to hold me. He’s coming. He’s coming right now.” I told my midwife, “You have to catch him.” Our bathroom is tile. I’m like, “He can’t hit the floor.” I mean, this is all coming out super quickly at this point. Things were just happening fast. So then his head was born and then my body stopped, and then it started contracting again and his whole body just came out. My midwife swooped him up and it was very quick. She brought him right up to my chest and he was right there with me. It was just like, “Oh my god.” I couldn’t believe how quickly he came out and how my body had done so much work at that point. At first, he wasn’t crying. He was actually very pale and floppy. It gives you a little bit of a panic. I’m calling out to him. I’m saying his name like, “Your mom’s here. We’re here. We love you.” Yeah. And then I saw one of the midwives give the Ambu bag to my midwife because it had been about a minute at that point and he hadn’t quite pinked up and cried yet. We were just kind of giving him the time he needed. In my heart, I knew that he would be okay. I knew that he just needed some time and that he just came out so quickly. He was stunned. So just over a minute came and he started crying. They come and they’re born and you’re like, “Oh my god,” like, yes but then that first cry, and when they make that face and you’re like, “Oh my god. Okay. He’s here. We did it. Everything’s okay.” It was just amazing how most of the time at a hospital if that were to happen– I say most of the time, but not always– they want to help them breathe. They want to suction them. They want to bag them. They want to do all of these things to help them breathe and we really just gave him that time that he needed to come into his body and be there with us. It wasn’t traumatic for us at all. I think if someone would have put a bag on him or suctioned him, that would have been more traumatic than this experience. So he came to and he got pink and started crying. We were just holding him and oh my gosh. It was a different feeling than my first VBAC. I truly believed in my body’s ability and my baby. We prayed so much about having our baby at home and we just felt so safe. My husband was there behind me. He was crying and I was crying. Everyone was crying at this point. My midwife and I were just so close. She is one of my really good friends too so it just made it that much more special. Meagan: Such an intimate time and everyone was probably feeling all of the things. That’s how it was at my birth too. Everyone’s watched you work so hard and go through all of this. Now you’re here. You just did it so the emotions are high. Holly: Oh yeah. I just remember, they were like, “Do you want to sit down on the floor and get comfortable?” I’m like, “No. I just want to go to my bed.” “Are you sure? You just had a baby.” “I know. I just want to go to my bed. That’s where I want to be.” That was a big reason why I wanted to birth at home. I just wanted to be in my bed. So I got in my bed. Another thing that we had actually thought near the end of my pregnancy was that there could have been a hiding twin where you hear with babies that are either really big or maybe there is a twin in there or something. I had a lot of fluid and he took up the space that he really wanted, so I started having these cramps again and she goes, “Do you mind if I actually listen?” No, I don’t think she actually listened, but then when she felt it was like, “No, it’s the placenta.” The clot behind the placenta was the hard spot we were feeling because my placenta was anterior. She goes, “Okay. I don’t think there’s another baby.” I’m like, “Oh god. I hope not. I’m not having another baby.” But no. Meagan: That would be a surprise. Holly: I know. I’m like, “No. That’s not going to happen.” I don’t know if that was intuitively or I just didn’t want it to happen, but I’m like, “No.” And so about a half hour went by and then I was able to birth my placenta. I had my midwife assist me with it a little bit just because I hadn’t done that with my second and because at the hospital, they managed it which actually wasn’t what I wanted either so I didn’t have that experience of naturally birthing my placenta yet, so I was just like, “Can I just have your assistance?” and she helped me with that. It came out perfectly and it was really cool because being a placenta encapsulator, I’m like, “I really want to assess and look at my own placenta,” and so I was able to do that. It was perfect. It looked great. My amniotic sac was just huge. I mean, you could just tell I had lots of water in there. He was actually only 7 pounds, 12 ounces so he was my smallest baby. But yeah. My first was 7 pounds, 15 ounces and then my second with my VBAC was 8 pounds, 9 ounces. So not a huge difference, super small, but I’m like, “Wow.” My husband and I had a bet that he would name him if he was under 7 pounds and I would name him if he was over 8 pounds. I’m like, “He’s for sure going to be over 8 pounds. I’ve got this.” No, he won that one but I actually still named him. Sarah: That’s an interesting way to choose who gets to pick the name. Holly: I know. And really, I knew that either way it goes, I still want the name that I want and he loved the name that I picked too. I’m like, “Okay, fine.” Since we couldn’t agree on it, we made a bet. Meagan: I love that. That’s so fun. Holly: Yeah. It was just such a good experience and it healed my first birth. It healed my second birth and it was just the most redemptive, healing birth I could ask for. It was the cherry on top of my birth experiences really. It was just amazing how I went from my C-section and then I went to my home birth transfer to the hospital but still had my VBAC and then had my VBAC at home on my terms and in my own space with the people that I chose to be there. Meagan: Yeah. You’ve kind of experienced a whole slew of outcomes which is fun and I’m assuming it will help you in your doula career too if you do have a home birth transfer client, you can say, “I get it. I’ve been here. This is what we’re going to do when we get there,” and help them along the way. Holly: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It’s really shaped me into the person that I am today with my birth work. Meagan: Yes. Well, huge congrats. Holly: Thank you. Sarah: I think the most beautiful part of your story is your ability to really trust your body and I think a lot of moms underestimate that mindset concept. You worked on it. Meagan: It does. Holly: Yeah. It makes a huge difference. With my second, I tried, but there was still a part of me that was holding onto the what-ifs and I think that’s partly due to when you have a C-section, you get that doubt put into you and I didn’t even labor with my first. We went straight to a C-section, so it was like a first baby all over again and not even knowing what to expect at all even though I had a baby already. Sarah: Yeah. I think that’s one of the harder things to really try to separate our births and especially as people that have had Cesareans to really dislocate that experience from our VBACs moving forward. Holly: Yes. Every birth is so different. Even within the same woman, your births can be so, so different. Babies are so different. It’s amazing. It can be so much of the same, but so, so different. I went from a 36-hour labor and birth to 2 hours and 10 minutes from start to finish. Well, early labor was weeks, but I don’t count that. My water broke and then 2 hours and 10 minutes later, he was born. It was just so fast. It wasn’t too fast where I couldn’t process it because I’m like, “As long as it’s under 12 hours, I’ll be happy.” It was just so fast. Meagan: I would love to know if there are any suggestions you would give for our listeners on getting to that place with your mindset. What tips would you suggest for getting into that mindset because it can be really, really hard? Holly: Yes. One aspect of it is you look at social media and if you are following accounts that aren’t giving you positive, good information, I think that can be really hard. For me in the beginning, I started unfollowing all of these accounts that were not good for me and just started following accounts that were sharing positive birth stories and videos and all of the good things that I needed to fill my mind with. It made a really big difference for me. I watched birth videos with my daughters every day because at first, I really wanted them there, but they were both sleeping and that’s what I needed in the end. But yeah. I think following accounts that give you good information that is positive, watching birth videos that have positive outcomes, and watching things and listening to the things about the birth that you want. I think that just makes a huge difference and helps your mindset. Meagan: I love that. Just jumping right into that space and not allowing any of the other things into that space, yeah. Love it. Holly: Just connecting with other women and that can be huge too. I’m a very faithful person and we prayed a lot during this pregnancy and through our birth. That’s something that really helped me and just surrendering that I wanted to be in control of everything but surrendering that control too was huge. Meagan: That’s awesome. I love it.  I love it so much. I love your picture. I can’t wait for everyone to see it. If you’re listening to it today, head over to our Instagram or Facebook and look at this incredible picture of her holding this sweet, little baby. Oh, it’s beautiful. It is so beautiful. So thank you so much for sharing. Holly: Thank you. Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. I listen to your guys’ podcasts all through my second pregnancy and it made such a big difference to me to hear other women’s stories and different stories. It was so helpful to me, so thank you. Meagan: Yes. That’s one of my favorite things. We were talking about it in the beginning. We love having people on that have listened through their whole pregnancy. They’re like, “All of these stories have changed my life. Now I’m going to share my story to help someone change theirs.” I love it so much. Thank you again. Congrats. Sarah, thank you so much for being with us again. So fun and Happy New Year, everybody. Happy New Year. It’s kind of weird to say that right now because it’s October as we are recording. Holly: It’ll be here sooner than we know. Meagan: It will be here so soon. ClosingWould you like to be a guest on the podcast? Tell us about your experience at thevbaclink.com/share. For more information on all things VBAC including online and in-person VBAC classes, The VBAC Link blog, and Meagan’s bio, head over to thevbaclink.com. Congratulations on starting your journey of learning and discovery with The VBAC Link.   Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-vbac-link/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands