07. Boundaries: Am I Being Mean or Assertive? with Marissa Sappho, LCSW, BCD, CEDS-S

Welcome to another episode of Understanding Disordered Eating podcast. Today we're talking to Marissa Sappho, who is the founder and clinical director of Aurora Center in New York City which is an outpatient mental health clinic specializing in the treatment of eating disorders. Marissa is a Board Certified psychoanalyst, a certified eating disorder specialist, and supervisor. She is part of the faculty, supervisor, and member of the board at the Center for Study of Anorexia Bulimia in New York City, the oldest nonprofit training and treatment center for eating disorders in that country. She has also presented on eating disorders nationally and internationally at major conferences, and is the co-chair of the special interest group, Psychodynamic Psychotherapy through the Academy for Eating Disorders.  In this episode, Marissa helps us further understand the importance of setting boundaries and how we can effectively assert ourselves to help improve our relationship with people and food.  [00:01 - 5:11] Opening Segment I introduce our guest for this episode The importance of setting boundaries  Physical boundaries Emotional boundaries Time boundaries  Sexual boundaries Intellectual boundaries Material boundaries So many more types of boundaries [05:12 - 48:14] The Importance of Asserting Your Own Boundaries Setting a separation between people  Setting limits and avoiding people taking advantage of us Asserting your own needs is not mean Difficulty of parents tolerating feelings  Parents must have a good sense of self Must learn when to separate from their child Most parents have intolerance for separateness and different opinions Sometimes results to disengaged families, emeshe families  Overly rigid boundaries vs. not having boundaries  The importance of being self aware in setting boundaries Boundaries are correlated with the level of trust Self esteem is part of your sense of self  The concept of Stonewalling Communicate that you need space  Do not shut people out Find a way to communicate your frustration  Do not threaten the relationship [48:15 - 49:12] Closing Segment Connect with Marissa through the links below  Final words     Resources Mentioned ​​www.gottman.com Tweetable Quotes:   “Without those boundaries, we have no idea where we start and stop; where the other person starts and stuff. And then this contributes to a whole host of problems.” - Marissa Sappho   “What I find a lot of times with folks with eating disorders, is they experience that in a hyper vigilant way, and in a way filled and loaded with guilt and responsibility that they have to constantly be attuning themselves to the other person to make sure that that person's okay.” - Marissa Sappho    “People have a really hard time being tasked to be their own gatekeepers of their emotional space and emotional time.” - Marissa Sappho Watch the Mother's Day video in appreciation for mothers. Connect with Marissa Sappho on Twitter and Instagram, or check out her website at www.auroracenternyc.com   LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode.   You can connect with me, Rachelle Heinemann on Instagram, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected].