KING SAUL: Himbo Boss Baby vs. Dungeon Master Dick Cheney

Samuel 7-16! The Bible contains a LOT of genres. Uh-oh, you're now in the middle of a Machiavellian historical novel about Derek Zoolander!  Time for our regular installment of Which Part Of This Story Will White Christian Americans Try To Contort Into Propaganda For White Christian America?  Does this episode include weird math, exaggerated war stuff, confusing prophet behavior, confusing food rules, weird animal stuff, baffling arguments, the total eradication of tribes clearly not eradicated, and women hanging out by a well? It's a Bible episode, so duh!  Know how you've been told you have to believe the Bible is perfect, inerrant, and handed down directly from God? Well, we recently dug some of this section's missing portions out of the ground, and half the translations disagree on how old its protagonist is, so maybe not!  Samuel is the ... ... ... ... ... ... good guy in this story? Really?  Meet David, simultaneously a humble Cinderella boy and a breathtaking Mary Sue warrior-poet!  As always, thank you for listening! You can support this show on Patreon for bonus episodes and stuff, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram!