119: Aligning Your Parenting With Your Values

Ever have a vague sense that your interactions with your child aren't quite aligned with your values...but aren't quite sure what to do about it?   Have you been to a protest and shouted "Black Lives Matter!  Fight the Power!"...and then gone home and forced your child to brush their teeth?   Have you chastised Grandma for 'stealing' kisses from your child because it disrespects their body autonomy...and then pinned them down for a haircut?   You're not alone.  We're in this weird place where we know we want to do things differently than the way we were raised.  But cultural norms are still telling us: we need to be in charge.  (Because if we aren't in charge, who is?)   A conversation with the hosts of Upbringing My guests today, Hannah and Kelty of the Upbringing podcast, see this dissonance more clearly than almost anyone I've met.  In their podcast they explore how we live one way as people (who believe in freedom!  respect!  consent!  empathy!) and another way as parents (timeouts, shame, control, consequences), and how we're unwittingly undermining the very skills and values we hope to promote.   But blaming and shaming helps nobody (not us...and certainly not our children).  By instead approaching the topic with compassion and optimism, we can get out of an us vs. them relationship with our children, and take back our parenting practices from our cultural conditioning, and parent in relationship with our children in a way that's deeply aligned with our values.   Hannah and Kelty describe their RESIST approach (Respect, Empathy, Sync up, Innovate, Summarize, Trust) and also have a new guide to navigating sibling conflict (use discount code MOJO at checkout for 15% off!) on their beautiful website.  If our conversation strikes a chord, I'd definitely encourage you to check out their podcast and weekly Q&As on Instagram.   The Parenting Membership will reopen in May 2024 I know many parents are struggling right now.  Even if you feel like you know how you want to parent, the stresses of being around your child so much can really wear on you.   Parents who had been working with me before the start of COVID lockdowns reported feeling tired and emotional about all the uncertainty we were experiencing back in February - and yet at the same time confident that they have the tools they need to not just survive, but thrive as parents when everything else seemed like it was falling apart.  Member Denise said:   "I feel like we've spent the last year training for exactly this moment."   And the good news is that you don't need a year to train.  I've restructured the memberships so you can now access 12 modules of content as soon as you join.  You can watch the whole lot in one go if you'd like...or we'll support you through it one module at a time.   You'll learn how to find an end to the meltdowns over Zoom-School, getting dressed, and what's for dinner.  In fact, if your child regularly has meltdowns about the same issue over and over again, I can pretty much assure you that you won't have to go through another one on that topic.   You'll get aligned with your parenting partner, and you'll set goals for your family that are uniquely grounded in your values.  And from that foundation, you'll address what seem to be the most pressing challenges right now - screen time, raising healthy eaters, emotional regulation - knowing where you want to go, so you'll be able to work confidently with your child to solve problems together, always keeping your relationship with your child (and not their obedience) at the center.  When you have the core tools,