Relational meditation: inner connection & interconnection

Based on a photo by Janetb13 / Pixabay Traditionally, meditation is an individual practice. The focus is on concentration and awareness, not on connection with others. Of course, meditators have observed, time and again, that meditating with a group enhances their practice. Buddhists put a high value on being with the sangha.  This approach goes beyond that. It blends moments of meditation and moments of sharing our experiences of meditating. It works both for experienced meditators and those with little to no experience meditating. It helps you learn more about the process and yourself.  Sharing our experiences is not just a way to deepen our understanding. It is also a way to feel more connected to others. The Polyvagal Theory shows that the nervous system circuit that allows us to be mindful is the circuit that mediates social engagement. Inner connection and interpersonal connection work naturally together. This simple practice combines spending silent time with mindful sharing of what you experience during the silent part. You can do it with a friend or a small group, in person or online. How do you structure it? There are 3 parts to the session:– A brief introduction (e.g., “I am Jane. The weather inside is mild and a little sleepy”), – A moment of meditation: set an alarm for (10, 15, 20, 25) minutes. – Sharing in a meditative way. Why talk about the weather inside in the introduction? The idea is for everyone to check in about where they’re at without making it long. What do you do during the silent part? You can use any way of meditating that you’re accustomed to. If you’re unfamiliar with meditation, think of it as a pause—a moment when you’re going inside, paying attention to your inner experience. You’re especially paying attention to what happens in the body. Noticing thoughts as they come, yes, noticing feelings as they arise, but also curious about what happens in the body. What happens in the body is often fairly subtle, so it may feel like nothing is happening. Or it may feel like your attention is highjacked by tension or aches. Or by worries or even anxiety. And it’s OK. It will soon be over, and then you can mention it to the group if you want to. So, relax and enjoy the show! Notice where your attention gets pulled, and gently return to the pause and to what is happening in your body. We spend much of our lives in thinking rather than sensing mode. Meditation is an opportunity to shift the balance toward sensing what is happening in our body. For instance, our breathing and our posture. It does not mean you have no thoughts, feelings, or distractions. Of course, there are plenty of those. It simply means that we use meditation time to practice being more in a sensing mode, i.e., directing our attention to sensations instead of thoughts. It’s a skill that develops with practice. Pushing yourself hard to do it better or to be less in your head is counterproductive. The more accepting you are of your limitations, the easier it will be to go beyond them. All you need to do is what you’re doing: carving out a moment to be with yourself and making it easy enough that you will want to do it again. What is the sharing? Now, you take turns sharing what it was like to meditate. As you share your experience, stay in a meditative mode. Speak slowly and err on the side of using fewer words rather than too many. Much of what is to say might be left unsaid,