92: Vanessa and Xander Marin: Your Sex Drive Isn’t Broken—You’re Just Burnt Out

Ever feel disconnected from your partner… but not sure how to fix it?You’re not alone. Between mismatched desire, mental load, body image struggles, and awkward communication, intimacy often becomes one more thing on your to-do list, instead of a source of connection. In this episode, I’m joined by Vanessa and Xander Marin—licensed sex therapist and bestselling author duo behind Sex Talks and the Pillow Talks podcast. We’re breaking down the silent issues that show up in long-term relationships and how to reconnect (without relying on spontaneous desire or unrealistic expectations). We’re talking about what’s actually behind low libido (hint: it’s not just hormones or sex drive), how to reduce the mental load so you can feel more connected, and why “scheduled sex” isn’t boring, it’s powerful. Vanessa Marin is a licensed sex therapist with 20+ years of experience and Xander Marin is her husband, co-author, and brings the real-life partner perspective that makes these conversations feel refreshingly honest, relatable, and actionable.