Confessions of a Level-5 Zero Waste Vegan

Remember when Lisa Simpson proudly declared to her eco-warrior idol that she was vegetarian? He poo-pooed her. When she said she was thinking of becoming vegan, he haughtily responded that he "doesn't eat anything that casts a shadow" and declared that he was a "Level 5 Vegan." While at one time I was able to identify with poor Lisa, I now fear I've crossed the line. Hear my confession, and take from it what you will.